Page 16 of Forever Flustered

“I’m glad,” Elijah interrupted, making a mental note to praise the other pilot for making a sound decision after observing Bode’s condition. “You don’t need to be in a jet like this, and I can’t believe you even tried, Bode.”

Bode was slumped over with his head hung low in his hands. For a moment, Elijah thought he had fallen asleep and was torn between waking the man – and letting his brother rest, only to see him look up.

“I know you don’t understand,” Bode said brokenly, staring at him with reddened eyes. “You can’t understand because you don’t have someone yet – but someday you will. She’s my air, my breath, and while I sound like some pansy even admitting that aloud – I would give up everything to see her smile.”

The rawness of his brother’s words haunted him because Bode was right – Elijah didn’t understand because he’d never let anyone close enough. See, letting someone in meant creating a vulnerability, a weakness, and he needed to protect himself from whatever nightmare came next. People were inherently selfish and focused on themselves – and would do anything to anyone to make sure they felt complete. He’d seen it repeatedly. People were flawed down to their very core – himself included.

Hungry but have nothing to eat? Take it from someone else. Need clothing but have no money? Steal it…

“This doesn’t matter to me anymore,” Bode admitted in a hushed voice, looking around. “It was a way to get out of the house, have a little fun, and take care of some basic necessities at the time – but times have changed.”

“They have…” Elijah replied warily, unsure where his brother was going with this, and felt a sinking in the pit of his soul, an awareness of what was coming next.

“I want out.”

And there it was, Elijah thought woodenly.

“Did you hear me?” Bode whispered, reaching for his hand and grasping it like they were making some silent and unspoken pact. “I want out, Eli… I want to go home. Please help me get outta here.”

In his brother’s eyes, Elijah saw something that hadn’t been there before – complete faith and trust in him to help. No more guards or shields, just a young man who wanted to go home to his wife… and a vulnerability.

Bode hadn’t called him Eli in that tone, that voice, not since they were about seven and ten years old, when Bode lost his shoe in the creek and was scared to tell their parents. Eli had given him his shoes at the time and took the beating… and would do it again.

“You’re sure?” Elijah whispered carefully.

“Yes.”

“There’s no changing this…”

“I know – and I think that’s what’s kept me up,” Bode admitted openly, clutching Elijah’s hand. “Reprimand me, censure me, find me unfit for duty – whatever you’ve gotta do… but I’m done here, Eli.”

“I won’t let you down again.”

Bode made a sound and pulled Elijah forward, hugging him tightly. Elijah shut his eyes, feeling bereft that he was losing his brother once again now that they’d found each other – but he would do anything for him… and nothing would change that.

“Go call your wife,” Elijah whispered to Bode, keeping his voice low. “Keep it a secret between us – and make it look good when it happens.” Bode choked out a broken laugh and nodded before leaning back and smiling at him.

“You know me…”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Elijah chuckled knowingly and leaned back to ruffle his brother’s hair like they were children once again, planning another one of their hijinks to get out of yet another mess. “The goal is home – not military prison. Please try to keep that in mind.”

“I make no promises,” Bode replied – and both brothers chuckled nervously before hugging once more.

Ten minutes later, Elijah sat down at his computer and processed everything that just happened. He was worried about Bode and his future, felt the weight of what would look like betrayal of his brother once more - even if requested this time around. There was also a brutal recognition that Bode had a life and future with someone else no matter how much ‘mending’ they did on their relationship… and he didn’t.

His future consisted of him being alone.

He had taken the financial burden of paying for the care of two people related to them – and who didn’t deserve his generosity, because they wouldn’t have done the same, if the roles were reversed. The feeling of familial duty held him fast to this path he chose to walk alone. There was no way he would put that burden on Bode – especially not that he was starting a new life with his wife and new stepson. That wasn’t fair to him… but then again, was anything in life ever ‘fair’?

Elijah had no future outside of the Air Force – and it was weighing on him more than he wanted to admit. He was stationed in a place that felt unfamiliar, in a location that wasn’t the friendliest, and had no one really to talk to or share his thoughts with. He was alone in every sense of the word – mentally, emotionally, and soon?

Physically.

Any talking or communication with his brother would be across email or the occasional phone call. To top it all off, there would soon be a staggering time difference between them when Bode was in Yonder with Flora… and Elijah would still be here in Ghazni. Forever alone, he thought sullenly, and just before he could shake it off, his desk phone rang once more.

Yanking up the receiver, he barked out his standard greeting. “Operations, Lieutenant Colonel Hall speaking…” There was a pause, and he could hear something in the background before the voice spoke.

“Mr. Hall, um, Lieutenant… ah, um,” the voice paused again, and he had no doubt as to who was calling now, grimacing. “Mr. Hall, this is the director at Restful Retirement Center, and I need to speak with you about an incident that happened about an hour ago concerning your father…”