Page 10 of Grave Humor

O-negative made us great donors, but when it came to receiving blood, we drew the short lot. When it came to transfusions, our blood type had the highest risk of accidental death. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

Offering a thank you would have been more appropriate, but I figured Eoghan wouldn’t know what to do even if I did manage to choke out the words.

The nurses remembered they had jobs to do, ordered the men out of the room, and went to work checking my health, questioning me to test my memory, and grilling me about Eoghan and Gordon, the vampire. Since I wasn’t about to relegate myself to being Eoghan’s property or call myself a sacrifice, I dubbed him as a colleague. A colleague sounded harmless enough, and it established we had some form of relationship.

The real trouble began when a pair of cops and a woman dressed in a blazer and a pencil skirt showed up with Eoghan and Gordon in tow. She belonged in the funeral home, ready to attend a service in her black and white attire.

“CDC,” the woman barked, showing me her badge. According to the identification card, Cecily Barrows could eat me for lunch on the magical front without chipping one of her perfect nails. “What’s your rating?”

Great. Why did everyone care about my damned rating? If I wanted people to know I didn’t have a rating, I’d wear a damned sign. “I don’t have one.”

“I find that unlikely.”

Ugh. Someone from the CDC must have used a scanner on me while I was unconscious, which meant they had a positive ping for magic. Like every other CDC agent to cross my path, I bet Cecily would fight with me for an hour about my lack of a magic rating. “I ping positive on magic scanners, but I have no known magic. I test out at ninety-percent human, and the DNA tests come back with errors on the rest. It’s as annoying for me as it is for you. And yes, I’ve done every test for unknown magic they’d allow a teen in high school to do, and I registered negative on all of them.”

The woman’s haughty expression softened. “I expect I am not nearly as annoyed as you are over this. There’s quite the mess at the funeral home. What can you tell me about that, Miss Nash?”

I could handle answering questions about my job a lot better than I could trying to explain away my shortcomings. “The director had a vampire and a John Doe on ice, and John Doe decided to get up.” I pointed at Eoghan, who arched one of his perfect brows. “He’s our John Doe, and I’m pretty sure he grew up in a time when men wore dresses.”

“Loin cloths and robes, actually.” He reclaimed his seat by my bed. “I find this garb oddly confining yet comfortable despite its flaws.”

“And him?” Cecily gestured to Gordon.

“I think he’s a vampire from the start of this emergence. I donated blood.”

“We noticed. Your arm will require at least three weeks to fully heal. Primarily, I need you to confirm you willingly donated.”

“Despite the circumstances, I did willingly donate, and I would do so again in a similar position.”

“Then no laws were broken,” she announced.

I found that difficult to believe. “By me, you mean? And by him? Gordon wasn’t in a position to contribute to my decision, as he was on ice at the time I decided to donate.” At worst, I’d get a slap on the wrist for donating to a vampire without the proper health checks and permits. “I don’t have a permit to donate to vampires.”

Maybe I needed to get one; a single donation a month would put me in a better position, and while it had hurt like hell, I remembered my teachers telling us that the CDC had ways of making direct-vein donations somewhat tolerable to donors.

“That’s correct, Miss Nash. In practical terms, you only need a permit to accept money for a donation to a vampire in need. In a situation where a vampire may become dangerous, it is classified as an act of defense of another, which is not a crime. You came to the assistance of someone in need despite the physical harm you took. At absolute most, the vampire would be liable for your medical care, but the authorities have already notified me that another is responsible for all costs of your care.”

“Oh, that’s good. I can’t afford to pay any fines. I’m broke.”

“All of your expenses are being covered,” Cecily promised.

Careful to avoid moving my injured arm, I pointed at Eoghan and Gordon. “I don’t know what to do with these two, but I think I’m responsible for them now.”

“The CDC is looking into the matter, but Mr. Olin is the owner of a rather substantial fund. His caretaker’s murder will—”

“Miss Nash will take over the majority of his responsibilities, if you please.” According to Eoghan’s tone, he didn’t give a rat’s ass if she pleased or not.

“Miss Nash is cleared to stay in the hospital for a week, after which she will be evaluated to ensure the trauma of the vampire’s bite didn’t awaken any new abilities. According to the scanner, this is probable.”

“No.” Eoghan scowled, and he flexed his hands. “You will not perform any experiments on her. I forbid it.”

Well, I had to give him credit. I liked when someone other than me jumped to my general defense. Still, I rolled my eyes at his attitude. “Evaluations aren’t experimentations. They’ll poke me with a few scanners and try to teach me how to do some common magic tricks. It’s no big deal. They’ve been doing this to me for years. It’ll take a few hours at most for them to figure out I don’t have any abilities, and if I do, we’ll all be surprised.”

Cecily chuckled, and she matched Eoghan’s skeptical expression with one of her own. “Miss Nash will come to no harm. Miss Nash, if you could convince him the CDC is not the evil organization he believes, it would be most appreciated.”

“Eoghan, behave.”

Rather than the irritation I expected, the man chuckled. “Should they damage even a single hair on your head, I will dismantle them.”