Page 11 of Grave Humor

For fuck’s sake. “Eoghan, please behave.”

“I won’t allow them to harm you.”

“You have control issues and no understanding of how large the CDC is. It’s a global entity. You would not win. As such, you should behave.”

“You’re mine, and it’s my privilege to protect you.”

Ugh. In high school, I’d heard the other girls talk about how they wanted a protective man who’d keep the nasties away. Even then, I’d thought of the idea rather odd. Why have someone protect me when I could protect myself? Then again, maybe they’d had the right idea.

Having someone around to take over some of the burdens of life seemed pretty nice when viewed from a hospital bed. Fortunately, I could knock the man down a few pegs with little effort on my part. “Yet you had no problem with me feeding my arm to Gordon.”

“Thank you for that, by the way,” the vampire said.

“You’re welcome. Try not to need that sort of feeding again. That hurt like hell.”

“I owe you a debt.”

“See, Eoghan? Look how easy that was. He thanked me, I accepted, I offered a bit of cordial advice with my complaint, and he acknowledged a debt, although I don’t believe one is owed. I did it with zero expectation of repayment. Be more like Gordon.”

“To win our wager, it was a necessary evil, one I plan on repaying properly. Gordon will meet his final death should he bite you again.”

“Eoghan, we do not threaten the nice vampire. Look at him. He’s being a perfect gentleman. We don’t threaten friendly gentlemen. That’s rude. What are you? A child? Behave yourself. Anyway, Gordon won’t bite me again. Right, Gordon?”

“I have been told there are donors who are willing to provide blood,” the vampire replied. “I didn’t ask to be as I am. I just died at the wrong time.”

“The right time,” Eoghan corrected with a haughty sniff. “Magic doesn’t make mistakes, and you are as you are for a reason. You were chosen by the magic, and it would be a pity for you to be wasted.”

Within a week, I’d go mad. “Would you please behave?”

“I am behaving. I haven’t lifted a hand against anyone, not even that physician who made you whimper while repairing your arm.”

Cecily sighed. “Due to blood loss, there were concerns of how you would react to painkillers. You were eased into the lightest viable dose, but there was a single stitch done that caused you pain. Your companion did not react well to this, but he did tolerably behave himself. He takes his role as your protector quite seriously. Anyway, don’t worry. The CDC has programs in place to help vampires feed. There are volunteers who enjoy the tax benefits and payments of donating, and some criminals are given an option to help feed vampires in exchange for a reduced sentence.”

I shuddered at the memory of Gordon’s teeth tearing into my arm. “It’s legalized cruel and unusual punishment, and that’s kind of terrible.”

Cecily’s smile had a sharp edge to it. “The convicts are told precisely what to expect. Those who opt into the program might not see the light of day again otherwise. It also allows the vampires to lay certain beguilements onto those volunteers to ensure they do not repeat the same crimes that landed them into prison in the first place. It is beneficial to the vampires, it is beneficial to society, and it’s ultimately beneficial to the convict, although some emerge from prison changed people.”

I bet. Gordon’s bite had inevitably changed me—and gave me a healthy respect for vampires in general.

Eoghan took his time considering the woman, and after a few minutes, he crossed his arms, which revealed the harder edge of tense muscles beneath his clothes. “My thoughts on this matter haven’t changed. Don’t damage even a hair on her head. Even giants can fall.”

“Noted,” the CDC agent replied.

It worried me that the woman hesitated to correct the man about his delusions regarding his ability to take out the CDC. “You can’t destroy the CDC, Eoghan.”

“Why the bloody hell not?”

“It’s a global organization.”

“Even giants can fall. I already said that. Anyway, I appreciate a challenge. Should they wish to test their luck, I will be challenged, and I will enjoy it.”

“Are you insane?” I blurted.

“No, I’m not insane. I’m merely determined to do my duty and protect you as is proper. That is part of our bargain. If this CDC must fall, so be it.”

I sighed and wondered how I could convince such a headstrong, displaced idiot about how modern society worked.

Cecily cleared her throat, catching my attention. “It won’t be an issue, Mr. Olin. We will limit our work with her to non-invasive testing.”