Page 29 of Grave Humor

No, lucky truck. Rather than argue with him, I smiled. Smiling tended to put people at ease, and sure enough, he led me into the building to begin the gauntlet of paperwork required to make the vehicle mine.

The CDC call took all of five minutes, the payment for over eighty thousand cleared without a hitch, and the CDC hooked me up with an insurance company who wouldn’t take me for my soul.

Fifty-three minutes after arriving, I became the proud owner of a truck, and the entire time, Eoghan stayed with his new baby, examining every inch of it. According to the scuffs on his suit, he’d even crawled under it for a look at the undercarriage. The salesman watched with open amusement, especially when the antique stroked the glossy black paint.

“Goodness, Eoghan. Are you petting it?”

“There are a lot of horses under the hood of this truck, and I’ve been told it’ll roar like a lion when you rev the engine.”

Yep, the truck had gotten to him. I unlocked the truck, opened the door, and used the step to climb inside. I put the keys in the ignition and started the engine. Sure enough, the truck rumbled, growled, and did a pretty good impression of a roar. “It looks like there’s truth in advertising.”

“They just let you get into the truck?”

“Yes, because I bought the truck using your money while you were admiring it. These nice gentlemen are going to remove the stickers and make sure we have our dealership tags, and then we’ll do the rest of our chores. You don’t get to drive it, but you can listen to the horses whine and the lion growl and roar while I drive you around. Fortunately for you, this monster of a truck will fit in my driveway. You’re going to be the talk of the town as soon as anyone finds out you got this baby. It is customary to name such a nice vehicle, but since I’m the driver, I get to name it.”

Technically, the truck was mine, but it seemed wrong to deny the man his baby. Having a new love of his life would make his integration into the modern world easier.

I could come to an agreement with the truck. She could have him outside of the house. I could have him inside of the house. We could share without serious issues.

“That seems fair.” Eoghan circled the truck, opened the passenger door, and got inside. He buckled in as he’d been taught, and when he closed the door, the panel with buttons drew his attention. “What do these do?”

“They control the locks and windows.” I reached over and pressed the button to lock the doors, and they clicked. Then I showed him how the windows worked before drawing his attention to his personal air conditioning dials. “These can change the temperature to whatever you like.”

“This truck is magical,” he whispered.

Yep, I owned one lucky truck. “She’s a nice truck. I’m naming her Lady Luck.” I patted the dashboard. “One day, I will even teach you how to drive her.”

“Is it difficult to learn how to drive?”

“Not really, but you need to learn how to read English first.”

“Consider me a very motivated student, please.”

Damn. Given a few minutes, I really would be jealous of my damned truck. “I’ll have to repay you for the truck, though. I bought her with your money, but she’s in my name.”

“Consider her a gift, then. I can’t drive her, and when I learn to drive, I will buy myself one just like her. Perhaps in a different color, so it is easy to tell which beauty belongs to who.”

It had taken me less than an hour to create a monster, and I expected there would be cars, trucks, and other vehicles littering the lawn and parked on the street within a week. I understood how obsessed men with money operated. When they decided they wanted something, they bought it.

Common sense need not apply.

“That’s a very expensive gift, Eoghan.”

“And I’m an arrogant asshole who will make you earn it through monotonous tasks, if that makes you feel better about now having a truck in your name you bought with my money.”

Damn. At his current rate, Mr. Arrogant Asshole would work his way under my skin by the end of the week and make me like it. “I can agree to that.”

It took a few minutes for them to remove the stickers, and once they waved for me to go, I put the truck into gear and eased it out of the parking lot. It handled a lot better than my parents’ rust bucket, and I pondered what excuses I could make to drive it around. I had no idea how far a full tank of gas would take me, but I wanted to find out.

“Excellent. We must now address your phone situation.”

“The mall.” I rarely got to go to the mall, and it would be an adventure in teaching Eoghan about the modern world. “The mall has some rules.”

“What sort of rules?”

“We do not make fun of, attack, or annoy the gorgons, the centaurs, the pixies, or any non-humans that may be present. We also do not stare at them as though they are critters in the zoo. Lycanthropes are common elsewhere but fairly rare here. As long as you don’t sleep with them or get into a fight with one, they’re mostly harmless.”

“I cannot contract lycanthropy.”