Page 30 of Grave Humor

Right. Eoghan looked human but wasn’t one. “Well, I can. I’m just a human, so I’d rather not end up mated to some lycanthrope because you picked a fight with him.”

“Pardon?”

“If a woman gets infected with a male lycanthrope’s virus, the virus typically attempts to form a bond between them. It can become a fight between multiple lycanthropes over a woman, but if the woman sticks around for too long, she gets to keep the lycanthrope permanently. So, don’t pick any fights with lycanthropes.”

“I find this to be unacceptable.”

“Lycanthropes are monitored fairly closely to prevent it from happening accidentally. And when the woman wants it to happen, it’s legal as long as she consented to it. There’s usually a waiver.”

“Ah. I see. And your opinion on lycanthropes?”

“If I meet the right furry gentleman, I see no reason to be concerned about a virus that guarantees his loyalty, lengthens my general lifespan, and otherwise benefits me in all ways except a hotter temper and a tendency to sprout fur.”

“Interesting. You are open about this? In my day, most were not.”

“In your day, lycanthropes were viewed as an abomination.”

“You would be correct. The CDC agents told me there are more than wolves now, too. In my day, they were only wolves.”

“Well, yeah. Turns out the virus can turn you into just about any mammal. There are even a few avian lycanthropes. Don’t ask me what. I just read about them. To date, there are no cold-blooded lycanthropes. Nobody knows why.”

“Interesting. And they teach this to everybody?”

“For the most part, I assume? I learned about it in high school before I started working at the funeral home. Sunset is more superstitious than most places, so I think it’s more about keeping us scared of the big, bad, and scary monsters of the world. In my case, I found them interesting.” Driving with a shredded arm hurt, but I kept both hands on the wheel until I got a better feel for how Lady Luck handled. “How about you?”

“I never minded lycanthropes all that much, but most were wise to fear them. They are excellent predators. They always have been.”

“They always will be. I mean, they become huge wolves or other animals, and the hybrids can bend metal—or rip someone they don’t like to shreds.”

“Hybrids? What are those?”

“When a lycanthrope can become a mix of man and their beast.”

“Ah! Wolf-men. They’re lycanthropes? They were always rare. I’ve never met one.”

“They’re just lycanthropes. They have really strong viruses or something like that. You could ask someone in the CDC for more information. It’s public information. Hybrids are prized.”

“They are? Why?”

“Hell if I know. That’s what we were taught.” When I reached the first stop light, I tapped on the truck’s navigation panel, input the mall’s name, and giggled when it offered to guide me to my destination. Then, because I could, I selected a female voice for Lady Luck.

“Turn right at the next set of lights,” Lady Luck ordered.

Eoghan’s eyes widened. “She talks!”

“It’s a computer. I put the address for the mall into the navigation panel, and she’s going to give me directions on how to get there.” I obeyed Lady Luck, turning right at the next set of lights.

“Continue for three miles. Your destination will be on your right,” Lady Luck instructed.

“She seems like a competent guide.”

“She is until she develops a severe case of stupid. I’ll show you some videos on the internet of the navigation systems losing their minds. There was one incident where a system tried to instruct drivers to drive off a bridge. Most were smart enough to avoid obeying.”

“Most implies not all were.”

“It didn’t end well for the driver. The system was fixed for that stretch of road, but you shouldn’t blindly trust the navigation systems.”

“I will keep this in mind.”