Page 52 of Grave Humor

“Giving the devil the book, because only a fucking moron pisses off the devil,” I replied.

Unlike at the mall, the devil appeared with his skin darker than the night, and the blue fire cloaked his entire body. I couldn’t tell if he wore clothes beneath the flames. He traced his clawed fingers over the black leather before opening it and gently turning each page. He spoke, and the ground beneath my feet trembled at the sound of his voice.

The dark shape emerged from the fog, and I realized it was the same dog that had taken to guarding my front step. Behind him, Gordon stalked through the cemetery.

Well, that would make my night interesting—and spare me from having to return to the catacombs for long.

The devil spoke, and the ground trembled again.

“Stop that,” Director Hammel ordered.

“I’m only giving you what you wanted,” the devil replied, and when he smiled, a chill stabbed through me. He spoke again, and I realized he invoked names from the book.

He spoke a fourth time, and a blue glow erupted from the entrance to the catacombs and bathed the cemetery in pure light.

I could scream, hold my breath until I fainted, run, or crawl under the dog and wait for the storm to finish blowing through.

“You don’t want to do any of those things, my dear,” the devil said, and he patted my shoulder again. “Just stay there and don’t worry your pretty little head over a thing. You’ve served your purpose this night, and the wheels of fate will continue to turn no matter what you do for now.”

“I did what?”

The devil gestured towards the catacomb’s entrance, and the glow intensified.

The skeletal angel emerged from its tomb, and the sole feather left burned brighter than the sun and transformed night to day. I turned my head and squinted, raising my hand to shield my eyes. A second spot of sun-bright light coalesced near the angel’s shoulders, and a new feather uncoiled from bone. Another joined it, and the angel spread its pure white wings. Beginning with its feet, skin stretched over bone and filled out with muscle and blood.

“We have a vampiric guest this night,” the devil said, his tone gentle. “Dim your light, my brother, and mind your face. We are on the mortal coil.”

The angel’s jaw opened in a skeletal grin before a shimmering shroud encapsulated it and the skull vanished, leaving the angel as I expected, a headless being of the purest light.

My dog trotted to me, sat on my feet, and growled at Director Hammel.

“Are you all right, Anwen?” Gordon asked, and he approached although he kept a wary eye on the manifesting angel.

“I got a bump on the back of my head and a headache to go with it, but I’m all right.”

Flesh knit over the angel’s bone, and it stretched its hands and gave its wings a shake. “Why have I been woken from my slumber? Lucifer? Is this your doing? It does not feel as though the end of all things has begun yet. This is not my time.”

“Eh, I got bored, and you know how I get when I get bored.”

“Heaven help us all,” the angel muttered, and I determined it was probably a he. “Could you not have waited a few more years before bothering me with your nonsense?”

I couldn’t tell if the angel liked the devil or not.

“He loves me,” the devil answered with a laugh. “He’s just grumpy when he first gets out of bed. It is my pleasure to be the first to introduce Azrael to this era. All facets of death have been restored to this world.”

“Restored?” Azrael demanded.

“All facets of death now exist, and they’re all awake. Some naughty devils sought to circumvent death and almost began the End of Days. The start of their scheming planted the final seed of death for this world. While my daughter stopped that nonsense before it reached an unfortunate conclusion, all of the conditions for the true end are now in place. All is as the universe intended from the beginning. Don’t tell my daughter I said this, but I’m quite proud of her.”

The angel’s chuckle carried a sharp edge to it, and the hairs on my arms rose. “Coerced a daughter out of Him, did you?”

“I tricked her into accepting being adopted into the family, and I received the blessing of her worldly father. All conditions were met. She still gets so delightfully upset over it at times. She loves having a family, but being my heir is so troublesome. For her. She’s a personification, and you’ll find her to be a delight. One day, I expect her worldly father will make his introductions, and she’ll find she has more parents and family than she can readily handle. I’ll love it. She won’t. She’s a sphinx, but she’s a rather terrible one. Her curses are quite potent, but she needs help from her beloved to inflict them. A good enough thing, else we’d have a cursed mortal coil, for she is as short of temper as she is long of leg.”

“You disgust me,” Azrael muttered. “And the rest of our brothers?”

“They’re here and there. I’m sure they’ll come over to say hello in a few days, after you’re a little less murderous. You know you get pretty murderous first thing in the morning.”

I must have hit my head harder than I thought—or I’d taken a trip straight to hell in a hand basket.