Page 31 of A Chip on Her Shoulder

“I feel I should thank them for their failure to warn you how much I intend on enjoying your spots.”

“There is zero chance of you having anything to do with my spots until I’ve fully secured revenge on my brother’s behalf. Can’t you see I’m traumatized over what I was forced to witness here?”

“Your sarcasm is almost as appealing as your spots,” the Devil purred.

“Put your perverted little brain on a different track for a while there, tiger. Revenge first, family securements second, then and only then can you beg and plead for the right to count another spot.”

“You keep telling me no, and I am utterly baffled over why I have not wiped you from existence yet. I find this to be disconcerting.”

“You want to count my spots. If you wipe me from existence, you can’t count my spots. I really thought you were smarter than this.” I heaved a sigh. “Taking over the place might be doing your underlings a favor. Do you have a responsible adult in this place I can talk to about appropriate management practices?”

“I am the responsible adult.”

“Goodness. No wonder this place is a mess. I’m done with my cordial visit, and I am moving into the hostile takeover phase of my day. Show me your office, assuming you actually do any work in this place. I need to see what I have to work with.”

“But do I get to count spots when you’ve completed your hostile takeover? Will you use the whips and cuffs?” The Devil gestured out of the bathroom in the direction of the hallway. “Will you chain me to my desk?”

“You sound a little hopeful there.”

“It’s been a while since a female of any species was willing to chain me to my desk,” he admitted.

“I will chain you to your desk should you give me a nice present I will enjoy with no strings attached.”

“My office is this way. Would you like to use silver, gold, platinum, or iron chains?”

“That’s a dumb question. I’ll use them all.”

I chained the Devil to his desk as requested, used the chains to make a gag, and left him there while I examined the rest of his office. Michael hadn’t been joking about the Devil’s luxuries. His computer was nothing like I expected, with a large enough screen it reminded me of a television. Rather than ask him where he’d gotten it, I ignored my jealousy, moved the keyboard within the Devil’s reach, and ordered him to tap in his password.

He obeyed, grunting at me. As I didn’t understand grunting, I ignored him, sat in his large, comfortable chair, and explored. As promised, he had a good internet connection. With minimal poking and prodding, I discovered the Devil kept meticulous notes, and he even had a system of files and folders dedicated to his various minions. Names and descriptions of roles simplified my work, and I brought up the files of Belial, Asmodeus, and Abaddon, all three who might be useful for what I needed done. I considered their roles, eliminating Abaddon as my first choice. While he’d likely do a wonderful job of destroying my enemies, he’d likely do his best to make sure my plans were also destroyed. Wholesale destruction worked in some cases, but I needed more refinement than what he likely offered. As Asmodeus embodied wrath, I’d have a decent time convincing him to work with me.

I had plenty of wrath to share.

Belial, however, would accomplish my goals in such a way I could render long-term satisfaction from the assholes who’d acted against my brother for a measly five thousand dollars. According to Belial’s file, unlike the other two devils, he had a phone number. I grabbed the phone, dialed as the file directed, and listened to it ring.

“You are not Lucifer,” a male voice growled in my ear after the second ring.

“Oh, good. You’re not stupid. Excellent. I’ve chained your lord and master to his desk because he annoyed me. I have a job for you. I’m running the place for a little while, but if you piss me off, you get to deal with the Devil. Cooperate, and I’ll be out of your hair sooner than later. Come to his office, and wear something nice. A good suit, make sure you wear a colored tie. I’ve decided we’re going business wear until further notice, because if I have to deal with this damned joint, at least I’ll surround myself with pretty devils. Make yourself pretty, then come here. I require your advice.” I hung up, propped my feet onto the Devil’s desk, and took the time to pet my brother. “I could get used to this,” I confessed.

The Devil, tied up to my satisfaction on his desk, sighed.

“It’s your fault. You gave me the chains and let me do it. And since you want to count spots, you’re going to stay there and do as you’re told. Once Belial gets here, I’ll see about something to smack you with. But don’t worry. I’ll make it hurt real good for you.”

He seemed like the type, and I needed to work out some of my frustrations.

Belial didn’t leave me waiting long, teleporting into the office with a flash of orange light and the stench of brimstone polluting the air. Much like the Devil, the devil associated with ruin wore a pretty face to cover his nature. Heat wafted from the devil, and as directed, he wore a suit much like the Devil’s, although he’d opted for an orange tie. “How unusual. You truly chained him to his desk, and it seems you’ve made him like it.”

To my amusement, the Devil shrugged.

“I have what he wants, and he doesn’t get what he wants until I’m satisfied. As for the chains, I just promised him I’d ask you about something I can hit him with when he gets annoying. As he can’t get what he wants until I’ve secured revenge for this travesty, well, here I am.” I grabbed hold of my brother and held him up. “This is Jonas, and I’m very offended he has been turned into a chipmunk.”

“He can only be changed from that form by conversion into a demon, a devil, or an angel,” Belial replied. “You do not need to take over the hells to accomplish that. A simple bargain would suffice.”

Ha! That explained why the Devil was the only divine who might be able to help me. “You’re useful. I like that. You’re the bringer of ruin, are you not?”

“I am.”

“I have all the motivation in the world to do the job, but I’m uneducated in the methodology of how to best bring ruin to a mortal mafia outfit. Inconsequential to you, I’m sure, but I want to give them all a miserable invitation to here, after which I will take extensive lessons from the Devil on making certain the fucking assholes have the absolute worst stay here possible. I’m not here for easy. I’m here for satisfying, truth be told. My brother’s debt? About five thousand dollars. An utter waste for so little, really.”