Page 11 of Client from Hell

“He’s provoking her on purpose. They’re always like this. The instant she tries to strangle him, she’ll end up ripping him out of his clothes, and he’ll take care of feeding her. She’s been difficult to keep fed lately. Lucifer thinks she’s about to go back into her fertility cycle, earlier than expected, but that happens with succubi sometimes. Unfortunately, the other demons and devils tend to feed off her general frustrations, so there are a lot of hungry folks running around hell right now.”

“Thus the commentary about her brother?”

“She’s just a bleeding heart, and he’s moping because he is a lot like her. The Devil made him that way. After he finished being converted into an incubus, he became a hardline monogamist, so he will only engage one female at a time, and he is inclined to want to form permanent relationships. Succubi are typically on the exact opposite end of the spectrum, so they stray, he whines about it, and Darlene gets riled up. Because Darlene is riled up, unfortunately, part of your internship will involve potentially partnering Jonas with eligible women or succubi in need of therapy.”

“Succubi need therapy?”

“Sometimes, they get caught by a human or other species, and they’re starved. Jonas is one of the best at all forms of therapy for them. He has sufficient base energy to handle any succubus at her worst, and he has a gentle touch, so he doesn’t scare them while they’re feeding. A lot of them come back abused, and Jonas is the one who gets them back on their feet. Unfortunately, the instant they’re on the right side of the line, they’re off to hunting again, because they don’t like just sticking around with one man unless they’re bonded. Jonas doesn’t want to raise any little ones outside of a permanent relationship, so he never bites on procreation offers.”

Well, I’d learned something new. “Are you saying that this incubus is the marrying kind?”

“And he wants the white picket fence with the little kids under foot image to go with it. He’s, frankly, pretty messed up for an incubus.” Diana pressed a few buttons on the meter and held the device out, which had a metal probe extending from it. “Prick your finger on that so we can get a look at your health. In good news, I can probably submit some of these test results to the hospital for you to spare you from some testing today.”

I did as directed, and the machine beeped. “I’ll totally understand if those test results bar me from being an intern.”

“You’re stuck with Lucy, I’m afraid. Once he decides he’s taking on a new minion, that’s it. He’s getting his minion. In this case, he’s after you. Your health is now an obstacle he will overcome, and he’s not against indulging in nefarious behavior to get what he wants. You’re not the only cancer survivor in his employ, but he caught mine early enough I dodged the hospital stay. I also got divine intervention, as there’s little worse than Lucifer when he’s whining about the misfortunes of his favorite mortals.”

“He just met me.”

“I never said he was sensible.” Diana’s meter beeped, and she glared at the screen, tapping at it. “All right, let’s go over the basics. Your lycanthropy virus is developing well, and you need to be registered as being contagious. That’s ahead of schedule. Your blood pressure is low. Lucifer, stop arguing with your wife long enough to notify the staff she needs at least a unit and a half, preferably two. Check if the donor is available for that much. If not, get a universal human donor or recruit Jonas to serve as a blood bank.”

The mention of her brother’s name caught Darlene’s attention. “I’ll break his legs if he doesn’t agree if he’s needed.” Grabbing hold of her husband by his ear, she dragged him to the door. “We’ll be back within an hour with an appropriate donor. Does the machine think she’s hemorrhaging?”

Diana tapped on the meter’s display before shaking her head. “I don’t know why her blood pressure is low. You’ll have to take that up with the doctors. The meter is recommending a unit and a half or two to be on the safe side, and that’s all it’s telling me. I’ll send the test result to your phone, Lucifer.”

“Do, and send any other results you think are important. I’ll make the appropriate arrangements, and if it falls outside of their approved testing and care, I’ll handle making sure they handle any treatments required.”

Shaking her head, Diana returned to her work. The Devil and his wife left.

“Should I be concerned?”

“I suspect the hospital was probably planning on a transfusion. We were told we had a set time limit before you were going into more treatments, and the transfusions can take several hours. Your blood pressure is not dangerously low, and from the initial results, the meter doesn’t appear to be reporting any active hemorrhaging, so it’s fine. Try not to worry. Next. You’re registering as someone with similar genetics to a triad’s child, but it’s also stating you have human parentage. Is that correct?”

“That’s correct. I’m weird.”

“You’ll fit right in with us then, so don’t you worry about that. The meter states you have a general aptitude for practitioner magic, so if you are not trained, you’ll need to be. There’s a flag to check for your ability to perceive the shrouds.”

My eyes widened. “The meter can tell that?”

“Yes. There is a genetic marker that flips to on, which can permit humans to pierce through the shroud. Your marker is on.” Diana picked up her phone, tapped on the screen, and held it to her ear. “Lucifer, be careful of your shroud. Her marker is activated, and she does not have the matching markers to survive through any mistakes on your part.” Without waiting for an answer, she hung up. “I will layer additional shrouds on Lucifer until he rectifies that situation. There are ways he can activate the appropriate marker to make certain you are not accidentally eradicated due to seeing something you shouldn’t.”

“So, that shimmer around him is the shroud? I saw it at the courthouse.”

Diana grimaced. “Yes, that’s the shroud. How long have you been seeing the shimmer?”

“I’ve only seen it once, when he was at court. That was right after my cancer symptoms started. I saw it around some angels, too.”

“The cancer probably flipped the marker to on. It happens, rarely, with humans who are dying. Lucifer will take extra care with you until he can make certain adjustments that will prevent you from being killed should you see through the shroud.” Her grimace softened to a smile. “Take Lucifer for all he’s worth. He makes good starter offers, but you should be aggressive and negotiate. It’s good practice for you, and he enjoys the game. His lowest offers are always reasonable, but he expects to negotiate. He does not expect his lowest offer to be the accepted offer. Being an intern is not another word for consent to be abused, although you’ll find he can be a bastard at times. Establish your limits, and you’ll find they’ll be respected. The first few weeks I worked with him, I walked like there was broken glass on the floor, and I thought I’d die the first time I asked for a day off. My advice? Take your sick days. Lucifer is nosy, and if he realizes you’re working while sick, he will flip. It’s hilarious, so do it just once to test him or put him back in his place. I’ve gotten ill twice since working with him, and the first time, I assumed I was not sick enough to take time off. I was corrected. The second time, my fiancé made me stay home so he wouldn’t get in trouble with Lucifer. Amusingly enough, Lucifer panicked more the second time. How dare I get sick without his permission?”

“Should I be concerned?”

“Only if you get sick often. Considering what the meter is saying about your immune system, you will for the first while. You need all of your vaccinations redone. In good news, your immune system is functioning, but your white cell count is abysmally low. Hopefully, the blood donation will help with that. The lycanthropy virus is usually smart enough to work with the immune system rather than against it.” Diana tapped on the meter, and after a few minutes, she reported, “The meter has identified the fault responsible for your cancer development, so I’ll send that test result to your doctors, and I expect Lucifer will address that fault personally. He can do genetic manipulations like that when he wants, and this fault will essentially put you at high risk of the cancer coming back. The lycanthropy virus will try to kill the cancer as it shows up, but you’ll end up with lower virus levels as a result, which can have long-term consequences.”

“You’re really knowledgeable about stuff like this.” I eyed the meter. “Can you teach me how to use that thing, too?”

“Absolutely. You might need to be able to use one if I’m not around. Do yourself a favor: demand one as part of your internship package. Lucifer is a pain in the ass, especially when he’s trying to pretend like he is okay with being separated from his wife and daughter. He’s really not, and he gets grouchy. He tries to hide it, but as you get to know him, you’ll realize half the reason he goads his wife on is because he needs the attention just as much as she does, and if she’s hungry, he can hide behind the shield of feeding her.”

Only an idiot would be blind to how much Lucifer enjoyed his time with his daughter, even when they were making a mess of a court hearing. “Why me?”