Page 50 of Client from Hell

Diana took her time extracting the line from my arm, careful to leave some blood in the line so no potentially lethal air bubbles could sneak in and put an end to my life. Once done, she hauled the tubing and needles to the bathroom to wash them, leaving Jonas and Darian to bandage my arm so I wouldn’t leave lycanthropy-infected blood in the hotel room.

The cloths used to clean up the excess drops of blood went into a bag marked with a biohazard label. Once Diana had the tubing and needles cleaned, she put them away in her briefcase. “Jonas, if her blood pressure drops, give us a call. I’m going to take Mr. Spiking here home so he can make me miss work. Sandra, try not to need us until after we’ve missed work.”

“I will do my best not to interrupt your truancy,” I promised.

Diana pointed at the room’s closet. “Your clothes are in there, the errand list is on the dresser, and try not to drive Jonas too crazy with your displays of interest. He’s trying so hard to be a good little incubus, but he’s really not skilled at being good or at being an incubus.”

“Hey! I’m an excellent incubus. I’m just really not good at sharing or relationships. But I’m a very skilled incubus, thank you very much.”

“And on that note, we’ll leave you to your hunt,” Diana said before herding Darian out of the room. At the door, she paused and added, “At least try to be careful. If Lucifer has to rescue you two, his reputation will be thoroughly destroyed, and the whining would be even worse than it already is in that damned house.”

Once they were gone, I asked, “What whining?”

Jonas grinned. “Lucifer was whining because Kanika and Malcolm took him seriously and went to make friends with your parents and the entire neighborhood. He was given exactly one piece of cornbread and one piece of pecan pie. This has created a certain amount of tension in the family, as he now wants another piece of pecan pie, and Kanika has marked the entire neighborhood as her territory. We will get an entire pie, by the way. We have been asked if we want an entire pan of cornbread, and if we wanted it spicy or sweet. We can get a pan of spicy and sweet if we are voracious cornbread fans. You’re apparently well-liked in the neighborhood. I’m disturbed I have to behave because you’re liked, and I need to maintain your pristine reputation.”

“My what reputation?”

“Pristine.”

“Jonas, I painted my swing set the one true color because it wasn’t the right color. I probably stole the neighbor’s paint and brush to do it. I was a fiend as a child.”

“But according to everyone who has talked about it, you were an adorable fiend with good manners when you weren’t doing things like stealing paint.”

Goodness gracious. What had my family been telling the Devil? Worse, what had the neighbors been telling Kanika and her husband? “I’m never going to be able to go home again, am I? The embarrassment will kill me if I ever return home.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Twelve

Lucille is fun to drive.

While I wanted to drive, Jonas insisted, claiming that a pampered, wealthy woman wouldn’t risk breaking a nail, especially when already in poor health. It annoyed me I understood his logic, although I questioned how the wealthy got through day-to-day life.

As such, I filled the time with reading on the way to our target, an office building located on the outskirts of Savannah. Before the razing, the place had been a warehouse located a few miles outside of the city limits. The razing had ended in the building’s back yard, and according to Diana’s tablet, she believed a few surviving employees of the organization, who’d been out of town at the time, had taken up the corporation’s banner, moving their efforts from bargaining to the corruption of the lycanthropy virus.

A note in the file proclaimed Diana and Darian to be at high risk due to being the first infected with the adjusted virus, and that the corporation, now known as Modern Miracles Pharmaceuticals, funded and helped operate a collection of legal and illegal labs. Worse, the company sought out illegal animal breeders to stock their labs with test subjects, using their legal activities to cover their general practices.

I grumbled curses. “Lucifer is likely going to have me organize everything so it might be turned into a court case, and the more of this summary I read, the less I like this whole thing.”

“Nobody with a scrap of morality likes this mess,” Jonas replied. “And yes, I know you wanted to drive, but it’s almost four hours to get to Savannah, and with the traffic and reconstruction, it could take us five. I can afford to be a little tired when we get there, but you need to be sharp—and you can’t really afford to strain your virus right now.”

“While I understand that, Lucille is fun to drive.”

Chuckling, the incubus acknowledged my point with a nod. “She really is. Lucifer wants to take down the entire operation, from the parent company down to every supplier knowingly involved. That’s why he wanted an intern with legal skills. You can help gather the paperwork the lawyers will need to make a good case. We need a strong case because Georgia allows private prosecution but only if sufficient evidence can beat the defendant’s claims on why he or she should not be charged. This would allow Lucifer to be the lead attorney for the case. If Lucifer is handling the prosecution for the case, it has a strong chance of making it through the courts. The defense would have to choose between using angels or doing it on their own—and that’s where Lucifer wins. If angels are refused, guilt is essentially confirmed. But we need a strong enough case to make it through the first stage of court.”

While aware of the private prosecution laws in our state, I hadn’t put much thought into it, as getting a case opened often counted as a living nightmare. Without sufficient admissible evidence, judges tossed the cases. “Why isn’t Lucifer using the state’s prosecution?”

“We’re in the south. The prosecution might be bought out. We’re going to be looking into that, too. Awhile back, one of Lucifer’s precious unicorns caught himself a stolen succubus, and the court system had been responsible for her captivity. Now that she’s safely recovered and is sporting hooves due to being bonded with her unicorn, Lucifer wants to bring down operations like that. He’s starting in Georgia, but he’ll be headed to where his succubus was held to finish general cleanup there. He’s probably hoping you’ll have your JD in time for that work, as that one is personal.”

“So unicorns really can seduce and keep demons like yourself?”

“She won’t be going anywhere until her stallion’s lifespan comes to its natural conclusion. You’ll have to give me a week or two to come to terms with captivity. But, she’s well-fed, and there’s something to be said about being well-fed.”

I grinned at the thought of Jonas having to come to terms with being a well-fed captive. “You don’t have to be my bed buddy unless you want to. If captivity is too much for you.”

“I resent how well Lucifer likely planned this. First, you’re a virgin, and there is a reason we incubi get really hungry around virgins. Then you’re a bold virgin with a frightening amount of drive to catch yourself an incubus. Then, to complicate matters for me, you’re naturally monogamous, which works well with my nature, thanks to Lucifer’s meddling. Free will isn’t so free when the deck is completely stacked in such a way to make something almost inevitable. I’m hungry, you’re interested, and fuck cancer anyway.”

“If being near aroused people helps you take the edge off, we could park near a brothel for a while or something. That would help, wouldn’t it?”