Page 17 of Lifeline

“A shame, I used to love watching you read,” he told me softly. “But…hard to blame you. I sadly don’t read like I used to either. Well, not outside what’s required for work. But…I have to ask⁠—”

I eyed him, taking in his wariness but not getting any bad vibes. “What?”

“I mean…your title is Social Media Manager,” he reminded me, raising an eyebrow. “That’s…that’s not something I expected.”

The question wasn’t surprising, but the disbelief in his voice made me laugh. “I mean, I guess I could say you’ve missed a lot in my life, but…no, not really. You’re right, it makes little sense at all. Hell, made little sense that I got the job in the first place. I mean, why the fuck would some government outpost for Search and Rescue give a fuck about being popular online? Why would they choose me when I don’t have that kind of experience?”

“All great questions, and I’m surprised Xander hasn’t grilled you about them yet.”

“Oh, for some reason, he’s been holding off from asking me. I kinda think Colin has been distracting him.”

“You and Reno,” he said with a sigh, and when I glanced at him, he rolled his eyes. “He said something similar. Just a weird reminder of how much you used to remind me of him.”

“You said that a few times, back when we were together,” I said, waiting till the water was good and boiling before fetching the dry pasta. While I was there, I retrieved the ground beef and the garlic butter from the fridge. “Which was weird because, hell, you told your boyfriend he reminded you of your brother. But your twin brother? That makes it even weirder.”

He frowned at me. “Don’t…make it weird.”

“It’s already weird, want to ask him?”

“No!”

“Which means he’d agree with me, confirming the similarities between him and me, and further proving my point.”

“You proved nothing except that you’re a weirdo who’s making my brother a sexual part of this conversation, which is the weird part.”

“I think that’s the least weird part, but you know,” I said as I turned on the oven and began buttering the bread, “I wondered if your brother was as cute as you. Little did I know he was exactly as good-looking as you.”

“Oh God, don’t ruin the goodwill by saying what I’m afraid you’re going to say.”

I set the bread down and grinned. “I wonder how many of the guys you’ve dated, and how many of the girls he’s dated realized they know what the other brother looks like naked. I mean, it is the same, isn’t it?”

He stared at me, his features drawing back in horror. “Congratulations. I was afraid you were going to ask about a twin threesome, and instead you went for broke and found something so much worse to say. Fuck you for that.”

I cackled like a madman. “Amazing, so…is it?”

“I don’t fucking know,” I said with an aggrieved sigh. “I don’t examine Reno’s naked body, and I hope he’s not examining mine.”

“Eh, I suppose there’s always the showers,” I said thoughtfully, stirring the pasta. “Then again, it’s not the same because neither of you would be hard but…hmmm, no, my memory isn’t good enough to compare. But am I really the person who would try to seduce my ex-boyfriend and then his straight twin brother to confirm whether their dicks are the same while hard?”

Mika’s face was the picture of horror. “Why are you the way you are?”

“Oh, you know, difficult relationship with my mother, awkward one with my father, some not so great experiences as an in the closet teen, a couple of nasty boyfriends, one in particular, and I’m sure there’s some genetic and potentially cosmic reasons I have no desire to dig into,” I said with a wave of the spoon before dropping the meat into the pan and listening to it sizzle and spit.

“How is your mom, by the way?”

“Eh, we’ve…gotten better. I think time apart, some growing up on both of our parts, and you know, other shit, has helped. We’re close…ish. Kinda weird to see your mom mature at the same time you’re growing up, but boom, here we are,” I said with a little laugh, moving the meat around, tossing in the onions as well. “You…uh⁠—”

“I’m forever left mourning my own. I’ve just…figured out how to deal with the grief.”

“And the regrets?”

“Still figuring that one out.”

I nodded. “I wondered about that for ages afterward. Both for you and myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just…what I would have been like if I had lost my mother at the same age. I mean, I met you when I wasn’t even speaking to mine. Hadn’t spoken to her for a couple of years. And after some time, and her and I figuring out how to have a relationship without wanting to beat each other’s asses…it made me wonder what state I would be in if I’d lost her before I had that chance. Kind of helped me understand how fucked in the head that left you, how hard it would be to live with all those ugly feelings among the happy, good ones, but then to live with a whole new set of feelings because I’d never be able to figure out the first set of emotions and grow the second ones.”