Page 62 of Lifeline

“I can’t make the numbers go faster.”

“Fine, get your ass here anyway.”

“Will do.”

I grabbed my tablet. There was a thump from upstairs, and I watched as Reno came down the ladder in a flash.

“Have a good nap?” I asked wryly. He was supposed to be working up there by himself, something he rarely did considering he liked at least one other person in the same room as him when he did anything. It was another troubling development in the issues he totally wasn’t having. I had taken Aidan’s advice. I was letting my brother go through whatever trials and tribulations he was enduring alone, even if doing so was like ignoring an itch that refused to go away.

He stared at me, hair sticking out in every direction, a crease mark on his face, and a hazy look in his eyes. “How’d you know?”

“Look at yourself,” I said, walking over to turn him around so he faced the mirror in the bathroom and snorting when he cursed. “Easy enough.”

I let him splash cold water on himself to get rid of the look in his eyes while I smoothed the mess that was his hair. I looked over his shoulder when we were done and smirked. “That’ll do. Just be glad Xander doesn’t pay too much attention. Might want to make sure Jake doesn’t open his mouth and ask about the wrinkles on your face.”

“He probably won’t,” he said, and there was a flash of misery.

My chest squeezed. I met his gaze in the mirror and saw the moment he realized he had given away his inner thoughts and that I had caught them. His face fell when he couldn’t turn in a direction where I wouldn’t see his face. I sighed, reaching up to rub his shoulders. “I’m not going to ask, okay?”

“For now?” he wondered warily.

“I don’t know if it makes me more or less mature to say this, but…for now I won’t ask,” I said, and when he frowned, I shrugged. “I love you, Reno. You’re my brother, my best friend, and a part of me I’ll never be able to get rid of, and I never want to be rid of. You’re like…a mirror and the other side of the same coin we occupy. And once, I forgot that about us, forgot that about you, and while I suffered for it, you were the one who suffered the most.”

He sighed. “Mika, don’t.”

“Shh,” I shushed gently. “There’s a few things I’ve had to face lately, and one of them is that we never get away, not in the way we’d wish but also…sometimes it’s better we don’t. I know you’ve forgiven me, but that means you haven’t forgotten what I did. And one day I’ll forgive myself, but in the meantime, I’m going to let that guilt be useful for more than just beating myself up. It’s a good reminder of the person I never want to be, and what I need to do better in the future for you.”

“And Aidan?” he asked dryly.

“You leave him to me,” I chuckled, leaning forward to rest my chin on his shoulder. “This is about you and me. I’m going to let you deal with whatever is going on with you without prying because you clearly don’t want anyone pushing, not even me. I’ll respect that…for now.”

“Do I get a time limit?” he asked bitterly.

“If I think it’s gone too far and that you’re suffering for too long.”

“Mmm, vague. You don’t do vague.”

“I accept ambiguity as a fact of life and prefer to get rid of it when I can. I can’t get rid of it here, so I have to deal with it. Just…I’m here, okay? And that’s true if you confide in me or keep it to yourself. You don’t have to tell me, but you don’t have to avoid me either,” I told him and smiled when I saw his protest grow and die on his face. “You don’t have to be alone to be left alone.”

Reno snorted, and I saw my brother return to himself a little. “Paradox.”

“Weren’t you the one who told me life is inherently paradoxical?”

“I did, didn’t I?”

“You did.”

He leaned his head against mine and smiled. “Okay.”

“Good,” I said, stepping back and slapping his ass hard enough to make him yelp. “Then let’s get moving before Xander skins us alive. He might be in a better mood since he and Colin apparently kissed and made up, but let’s not push it.”

The snicker Reno gave was music to my ears. “Do you think Aidan is going to recover from seeing them making out like horny high schoolers?”

“Aidan will be fine,” I said as I gathered my stuff and we headed out. “This is the same man who thinks it’s funny as hell that we’re so uncomfortable with how Xander’s nickname has changed since Colin came along. He’s becoming more and a more an expected part of our weird little family, but I don’t think he’s ever going to be the one who gets to the level of ‘ew I can’t think of them like that, they’re my family’ like most of us do.”

“Doesn’t hurt that he is kind of a shithead,” Reno said fondly. “I overheard him asking Carter if he and Mav take turns being the big spoon the other day.”

“I’m sure Carter loved that,” I said, thinking that in a lot of ways, Carter and Mav had a similar dynamic to Jake and Reno, at least in terms of fraternal closeness that went deeper than with the rest of the group. And in each there was one who took the jokes at their closeness with better humor, Jake and Mav, while there was another who took it…less gracefully.