Page 13 of The Virgin Playboy

“Truth be told, it took me a long time to be comfortable with my body. To be comfortable with myself and my sexuality. Approaching sex was hard at first, because I didn't have a healthy relationship to all the things I mentioned. Discovering kink helped me understand that rules weren't the things I hated, but the inability to express myself in a way that felt like myself,” Kaihautū explained.

“Yeah well, for me things didn't exactly go so great. We were there, and I… well, I wanted to be honest. I told her she'd be my first time. That was where things took a turn for the worst. I mean, she wasn't like violent or disrespectful about it, but given how women tend to value themselves at a higher standard than men. I don't know. I thought…” I hesitated. “I thought she’d be more understanding,” I admitted cradling my prized guitar Gladys in my lap. Kaihautū’s lips thinned, his expression giving a difference of opinion.

“Can I offer another perspective?” he offered, as I leaned back in my chair to let him cook. “Okay, so bet. From my own standpoint, being intimate with men, a lot of us could be fucking selfish. Both emotionally and physically, and with that breeds impatience. Lack of technique. A misuse of care in the moment. When we fuck, we tend to choose what feels good, but women choose safety. If I really wanted to, I could probably nut a good two-minutes into shagging a woman, and where does that leave her? She needs that time to get there. And some, not all women tend to get the short end of being satisfied. Even if I'm just hooking up with a girl, I try to have more diligence. Probing her for things she likes, instead of just getting straight to it.

Having sex with a new person is as awkward as your first time every time, because you don't know what you're doing. You don’t know what her tells are, or what kind of good or bad experiences she's had before you. Try not to take it personal that she rejected you. Chances are it's likely because she's been unsatisfied with past partners who boasted about being knowledgeable only to let her down.” He did make a good point. I had given that some thought, but just hadn't given myself a moment to put into words. Add in the fact that she was older, I had to be realistic that women in their forties weren't exactly seeking out virgins.

“Yeah, I guess, looking back at things, I could have been more mature about it. But man, it really hurt to be rejected in that moment. She was older than me, like a lot older. It just sucks that it's not socially acceptable to be a man who values sex for more than the means of creation. For me before, I was waiting for marriage, but when I left the church, I reframed my goal to just wanting to have sex that meant something. Like I really like this person, and I want to make them feel as good as they make me feel. Once I actually get a chance to do it anyways. If I tell every woman I’m a virgin and they all act the way she did, I’m better off not mentioning it at all.”

“Yeah, but you'd be surprised how hard it is for guys in this generation to even talk to women, let alone have sex with one,” he argued.

“Not for me,” I defended. “I shoot my shot with anyone I fancy,” I boasted.

“Yeah but you ain’t no regular bloke. You’re the virgin playboy. That whole boy scout thing you got going on actually works on women. As someone who’s seen it in action, you definitely be working that foreignness. It must be the difference in accent. Because I’m usually totally dialing mine down. You’d be surprised the nicknames people give me just off guessing I’m Australian,” he later joked.

“Oh, before I forget. You got anything lined up this weekend? I had some last-minute plans spring up for me to go out of town. A close client of mine invited me to this music festival someplace on Martha's Vineyard. He's got this big house and shit. Told me I could bring who and however much people I wanted. You could get out of this flat and meet some new people.” I had a load of coursework and research to go over, but it'd been a minute since I done anything as fun as a music festival. Besides, I had always done my best work last minute, back against the wall.

“Plus, now that I know you like them older, there might be a few cougars in there. Just saying,” he joked, as my fist met his shoulder.

“Fuck off,” I laughed, and in jest we playfully squared off as he gripped me in a headlock.

“So, should I text my mate that I've got a plus one? Or are you sitting this one out?” He released me as I took off my glasses, cleaning the lenses with the bottom of my shirt.

“Yeah, you could put me down. You know it’s hard for me to turn down anywhere with live music.”

CHAPTER NINE

Jaq

“Girl, I swear to God, if you stop a-fucking-gain, I will literally hitchhike it to Martha's Vineyard. We ain't looking at nothing you ain't already seen before in pictures,” referring to the Marble House in Newport, the third destination we'd stop and detoured through, on our way to Massachusetts.

“Bitch, I'm trying to sight see. This isn't just a vacation to me. This is a break from my little squirt. Love ‘em, but it's been years since I've been on a trip that didn't involve all the planning, the packing, and the non-stop invisible labor,” Carly admitted in one huff.

“So, why can't we just sight see at Martha's Vineyard? I think people hear Martha’s Vineyard, and they hear a cozy small strip of suburban houses and humble grocery store, but Martha’s Vineyard is huge. It’s an island filled with sights to see, plus I’m not trying to miss the last ferry, because I’m not leaving my rental in a damn parking lot.”

“You’ll be aight,” Carly dismissed, forcing me to take endless photos of her. And I did it too, because I knew she would complain if I didn’t get her fresh silk press from every angle.

“Plus, a bitch ain’t gonna be worried about no sightseeing once I get to Martha’s Vineyard,” Carly slurred.

“By then, Imma be on the prowl. Searching high and low for someone to beat it up while I don’t have to worry about my kid knocking on the door,” she danced, executing her explanation in a sing-song way. “Besides, what you in a rush for? You’ve probably been to Martha’s Vineyard every year.”

Not recently, but before I got situated in my career, I did kinda make a trip of it whenever I was in desperate need of a wind down. But it was only because my family had property there. Particularly my mother’s side of the family, but any place my parents owned, they still considered it a place I could call home. I had even considered staying there this weekend, on the chance I didn’t vibe well with Yenory and Avi’s guests.

But I’d decided against it. Avi was an extravagant host and I planned to fully take advantage of the chef and masseuses—not to mention, a labor and utility free weekend—Yenory had promised to wind down for the weekend.

Yeah, I wasn’t enthusiastic about sharing my space with strangers, but I trusted Yenory, so by extension, I trusted Avi, not to put us in any immediate danger or space of harm.

When we finally made it back on the road, I picked Carly’s brain about the weekend, surprised she felt the same.

“What do you think of Avi bringing a group of friends over, conveniently while his wife’s two single friends just be happening to spend the weekend there?” I used my free hand to speak in quotations.

“You know that’s all Yenory,” she snickered. “But to be honest, I’m not even worried about it. Being a big girl is the best idiot repellent, and sometimes, it’s hard trying to explain that to y’all. Just because I’m confident doesn’t mean I think every stranger is going to be attracted to me. I just half expected to keep it classy and cute from a distance.”

“I don’t know Carly, if he’s bringing athletes, don’t sleep on those big boys. I have definitely had an athlete or two humble me by stating I was too thin for his taste,” I joked.

“Even if that’s true, I don’t want to feel obligated to a designated play group. I came here for Noir Noise, and that’s where I’d planned to meet potential Mr. This Weekend.”

“I know that’s right,” I chimed in. I, too, planned to keep it cute and classy. Maybe I’d come more for the music, culture and inner rediscovery, but I wouldn’t turn down some decent meaningless sex. Especially since I’d be in company of Black folk I wouldn’t stand out around.