Page 77 of The Virgin Playboy

“Trust me, girl. It only takes one time,” Carly confirmed.

“Jacqueline, are you sure that it's Graham’s?” Yenory asked.

“Damn, I know I’m a 304, but I think I would remember the last guy I slept with.”

“Ain't y'all been broken up for months? I don't know, something about the timeline ain't adding up,” Carly doubted.

“Ain't no way my friends are this slow. If Graham and I haven't been a couple for months, and I'm telling you, he's the only possible father. Can you guess what that means?” my tone sarcastic.

“Damn, so you let him come over and beat it up?” Carly guessed.

“$500 for Carly,” I clapped, despite not being in the mood for this game.

“I ain't gonna hold you, a time was had back at Martha’s Vineyard. I wasn’t even expecting a Polynesian kat to throw down like that. Me and Kaihautū run into each other again? I'd probably let him hit again. Oh God, I would let that man hit. Probably ‘bout two, three times,” she joked.

“But I thought you had an IUD,” Yenory noted. “I know they’re not permanent, but I thought you were good for 3-5 years⁠—”

“Fuck!” I yelled before she could finish. “I’m so fucking stupid, fuck!” as I snatched one of the tests of the counter, and disappeared into the bathroom. I didn't even wait for the results before I rejoined Yenory and Carly once again, only this with more clarity.

“I just might be pregnant,” I repeated back over and over to myself.

“Is that what the test said?”

“It wouldn't matter what the test said, because I got my IUD taken out. It moved out of place and was giving me pain, and I figured I was going cold turkey on the bedroom hunt, so I was taking a break from birth control. Only I saw Graham a few weeks ago and we…had unfinished business. We practiced safe sex in the beginning, but once we became more official, getting tested, with my IUD, we just stopped using them. So, when we ran into each other, we were just doing what we always did. He couldn’t have known. And I’m not sure I even need a test to tell me what my body’s already been trying to tell me.”

That didn’t stop Yenory and Carly from literally rushing to beat each other to the bathroom, as Carly seemed a little but too happy to be holding a stick I’d just peed on. “Congratulations, you are the mother,” Carly taunted.

“Jaq, are you…” Yenory started, sitting back down across from me. “I mean, I've known you a long time, Carly's known you a long time. Is this something you're even ready for? Especially since it could be by yourself?” Yenory’s voice of reason addressing her concerns.

“I agree that switch up is fucking real. One minute you have somebody begging you to keep it. I mean snot nose crying, claiming you’re fulfilling their legacy and that they’ve never wanted anything else. Only for the secretary to finally pull the mask off, and you end up dealing with someone who makes you feel like you pressured them into this,” Carly stressed.

“If I could go back in time, I might not have put myself through that, because it exhausted me to beg for effort, when I thought it was something he wanted. Matter fact, it took years to reach an equilibrium that allowed us to have a healthier co-parenting relationship. And I had support, but if I could do it again, I can’t say with confidence that I would have been willing to,” Carly added.

“Thank you for being honest with me,” I said, seeking the brutal truth.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love, love, love my kid. But all the goals that I had, made it that much harder to do, juggling motherhood. I would’ve reached so many goals a lot quicker had I made a different decision. I don’t regret being a mother, but the expectations for a father stop at making the baby. Everything else is optional for them. Even though I exceeded my life goals times three, I felt like I fucking had to, given I had a life to take care of.”

“That’s the thing. I haven’t had much time to give it a ton of thought, but maybe I need to slow down. It feels like I’ve been going one hundred and fifty on the highway since college. I know it won’t be easy. I’m dealing with a ton more risks than a woman Graham’s age. But selfishly, I want a reason to slow down. Give myself time to just sit with things. I know it’d be hard doing it by myself, but I’m not exactly struggling for money. The only issue that came to mind was whether I should tell him or not,” I said.

“Would you actually want him in your potential kid's life?” Carly asked.

“It isn't about what I want. I feel like telling him feels manipulative. Like I'm trying to force him to stay—which I'm not. But I also I feel like if I don't tell him, I'm not giving him all the information to make an informed decision.”

“Having met Graham, I think he would want to know,” Yenory observed. “I don't think, given all that you said about him, that he would be okay with you keeping this from him.”

“The thing is, I don’t want to keep it from him. But I also don't want him to accuse me of baby trapping him. That totally wasn’t the case. I’ll take most the responsibility because he genuinely didn’t know. But I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t go home.”

“Chile, some of these dudes baby trap women—who said that?” Carly said to no one and everyone.

“I understand your feelings on it, Jaq. In a perfect world, it wouldn’t have happened this way. In an ideal situation, this would have been planned. But it’s not. And this affects him too. He may choose to stay. But he may choose to walk away, and if that’s a part of him you also didn’t know, it’s better to know now. So you can do what’s best for you and do what’s best for that child. You don’t have a long window to tell him before he leaves for New Zealand. So, it’s now or never. Because if you wait, I fear, both of you might regret it.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Graham

The day had finally come for me to walk across that stage. While I hadn't been the only college attendee in the family, it went without saying that I would be the first and only to pursue a doctorate in a university overseas. My mum, sisters, uncle, and cousins definitely showcased they were related to me when it was my turn to accept that diploma.

It was hard to keep a straight face when your cousins were yelling, “We didn't think you were going to make it!” or the celebratory hollering my uncle was making. Not to mention the high-pitched screams of a twelve and a ten-year-old. But then I remembered to be grateful to even have been part of a family that expressed such an immense pride in your biggest moments. I know if my dad had been here to see this, he would have been worse.