Page 83 of The Virgin Playboy

“Easy for you to say. You got to participate in just the fun part, and now I'm paying the iron price⁠—”

“Stop trying to make me laugh,” Graham tried really hard to guard off a smile. “This is the worst time to be funny,” he challenged.

"I can't help it! I'm Black, I joke during my pain,” I squealed, insisting Graham take hold of the baby as I needed more concentration to push the rest out.

“That's a lot of blood,” Graham noted, trying to concentrate on the baby, but distracted by the color of the water. “Is there supposed to be that much blood?”

Crying into myself, I held on to the sides of the pool, giving as much effort as I could, as someone with no energy possibly could. Things got really dizzy, and if I hadn't had my mom, mother-in-law, and doula, I'm sure I would have slipped underwater.

***

Beeping was the first thing my subconscious made out, as a combination of vertigo and hunger overwhelmed me. It took a few seconds of blinking to finally see more clearly. “Take your time, babe,” a voice echoed, almost like it was loud and faint at the same time.

When my vision settled in, I made out that I was hooked up to an IV. “Oh my god, am I in a hospital?”

“Relax, Jaq, don't push yourself. And yes, you're in a hospital. I got a little worried when you passed out, so I rode with you to the emergency room.”

“Where's our baby? Are they okay?”

“Jaq, they’re fine…she's fine. My intuition was right. It was a girl.” I had to refrain myself from crying. How long had I been out? Was I missing essential bonding time?

“I didn't even get to hold her.”

“You did the moment you gave birth. You don't remember?”

“Graham, I was pushing a human being out my body. The only thing I remember was the pain.”

Graham reached out and squeezed my hand, making sure I felt some sort of pressure that comforted.

“And you were like…so amazing. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're like a flipping superhero right now. Of all the things I've seen you do—and you've done so many amazing things—this was by far anything beyond what I could have imagined. I've experienced childbirth as an older brother, but never as a partner. It was like, I was happy and scared. Then nervous and excited. But there was just a lot of blood, and I was worried that you were hemorrhaging or anything that could lead to infection. When my mum had Payton, she developed postpartum endometriosis because she was too stubborn and nearly didn’t treat it time. When I knew our baby was okay, I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he explained.

“You just don't want to raise a kid by yourself,” I whined.

“I mean, can’t it be both? I'd never really be by myself, because our moms are both here. But I do want us doing this together, even though I get a lot of it will be on me, since you need to heal. Your body has been through a lot, and I just want to make sure I take care of you, considering you did care for our baby for nine months and two weeks.”

Unsure of whether my emotions postpartum were just everywhere, or that I was upset that I'd just given birth, but didn’t even remember the experience to cherish it, I burst into tears, collapsing onto the bed giving into exhaustion. “I don't even remember what she looks like. Did her color at least come in?”

“We may have completely different ways of determining that, but I do have pictures.” Graham took out his phone, scrolling through the dozen pics of her snug in a tightly wrapped blanket. “Right now it's just me giving her skin the skin. Our moms wanted to, but I wanted us to be the first ones to do that. So, at the moment our doula is kind of handing out my wishes, easier to have her fight them than me. Unrealistically, I was hoping you’d be keen enough to come home tonight. I know you had concerns about her latching, and the window of opportunity is still early enough, but I also don’t want to rush you. You feeling strong enough is my only concern.”

Even though I’d heard all that, that wasn’t my biggest concern. “Text my mom and ask her to check behind her ear,” I suggested, as he asked if he even wanted to know, or whether he should leave this as something that he would never understand.

“We made a very cute baby, though, right?” he beamed.

“She is very cute,” I admitted, still drained. Graham rested his chin in his hand, using his other one to gently squeeze mine.

“What? Why the hell are you smiling so hard?”

“I am?” he questioned, unaware that he'd been doing it.

“Sorry, you just looked so beautiful. Like an after-baby glow or something.”

“No Graham, that's called sweat and stress. And don't be looking at me all cute. Looking at me all cute is what got me here in the first place. This pussy is on a dick cleanse,” I declared.

“I respect it. I'm sure Melody will keep our hands plenty full,” as he acknowledged her by name this time, which arguably only made me cry more. “I just can't wait for you to come home. I miss you, but I can tell she misses you, too.”

***

The only thing I hadn't regretted about a natural birth was that after a few hours I could get up on my own. Granted, I wasn't out-walking an air bender, but knowing I could get up and use the bathroom on my own didn't suck.