Page 59 of Sweet Spot

“I don’t think I can explain all that right now.”

“Well, try,” I pressed, surprising myself – and him too, apparently, because he looked up at me confused. “Sorry. I just…” I let go of a sigh. “I don’t think I can keep pretending anymore.”

“Pretending what?”

“That I’m totally fine with being left in the dark,” I said. “You ask me questions, I answer. I ask you questions, you dodge them. From the start, you’ve made me open up to you. You made me confess every little thing about my life to you but when I try to get to know you beyond the little fantasy bubble we’re in, the wall goes up. And I’m not your girlfriend, I know that, so I shouldn’t care. But I do. I care about you.”

Standing in the middle of the living room, I looked at him, feeling like this had to be the point where I should stop talking. I could easily get away with “I care about you” but not the rest of what I had to say. But my lips were itching to blurt it all out and my heart was aching to get it off my chest.

“I like you a lot, Lukas.” Shit. There it is. “More than I know what to do with,” I admitted with a laugh that was both bitter and sheepish. “And honestly, I’m disturbed by the fact that I’ve had the most success in my career while seeing you because it proves my last three years wrong. It means I don’t have to be only work or only play – I can have it all if I want to. I could’ve been doing that this whole time but now that I’ve had you, I don’t think I want anyone else and it sucks because you’re clearly not interested beyond a certain point,” I said, losing my breath. “You roped me in, you chased me and you got me basically hooked on you. But you’re keeping me at a distance because while I’m sure you like me, you like me best for one thing, and that’s sex.”

“That’s not true,” Lukas said without missing a beat.

“No?” I crossed my arms. “Prove it.”

His stare challenged mine. “Come away with me tomorrow. I’ll tell you everything you want to know and I won’t fuck you unless you tell me to.”

My eyes fluttered in surprise. “You’re going away, too? Where?”

“I don’t know yet. I just need to get out.”

“Because of the anniversary?”

Lukas stared. “How do you know about that?”

I dropped my eyes. “Julian.”

Lukas took a second to process that. “Fuckin’ prick,” he muttered.

I swallowed the knot in my throat. “Are you mad at me?”

“No. Why would I be mad at you?” Lukas asked genuinely. I paused and chewed on my lip.

“I can think of a reason.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

I slipped my hands in the back pocket of my shorts, taking a moment to answer. “I’ve been planning on seeing Ritchie. I lied about what he texted me for. He’s selling the house and he wants me to pick up some stuff.”

Lukas shook his head. “Really? Is this his way of asking you to pack and clean up for him? Because I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“No, he says there’s a box for me. From Gail. He said I should come get it and I kind of want to,” I said quietly. “He’s going to have a couple of old friends over and trust me, I’m not hoping to be buddies with them anymore, I’m just… so happy these days that I feel like I owe it to myself to try to tie up loose ends up there. There’s nothing I’d love more than to close up that chapter of my life on a positive note,” I said truthfully, trying not to let Lukas’s look of disapproval get to me. “Combined with the fact that I haven’t seen my dad in a long time and… well, basically I’m going. Tomorrow. I can’t do it any other day, I won’t have the time.”

Quiet, Lukas folded his arms. “I’ll go with you,” he said, prompting my eyebrows to lift high.

“You want to come with me to shitty little Warren, New York?”

“Yes. I need to be away from the city, anyway, and I don’t want you to see Ritchie alone. I don’t trust him.”

He sounded pissed but I couldn’t help the little smile twitching the corners of my mouth. “You being protective of me?”

“I’ve been.”

I sucked on my bottom lip. “Are you sure about this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because it’s a small town full of very curious people and more than likely, Ritchie’s going to have a couple friends at his house. They’re probably going to ask questions about you and that’s going to be before we get to my dad and uncle’s family. They’re going to ask if you’re my boyfriend and a bunch of other stupid, uncomfortable questions that’ll make you want to run for the hills.”