Page 50 of Red, White, and BearCat Blue

I understood. “And he thinks because I steal cars and work for a truly bad guy like Josiah Sterling, that makes me one too.” I started to turn away as Mars reached out and grabbed both shoulders to stop me.

“No, Cam. It’s not like that. ’E just doesn’t easily differentiate the subtleties of bad guys as easily as I do.”

It was my turn to snort. “That’s what I said. Because I steal for someone like Josiah, that makes me a bastard, just like him.”

He squeezed my shoulders. “You’re not a killer and Mickey knows that.” He paused for a few seconds before elaborating. “’E just doesn’t know you, Cam. Don’t worry. It takes time to build trust with ‘im and it’ll ‘appen, just not as easily because of Sterling.” He squeezed my shoulders again. “Can ya give ‘im time? ‘E’s really a good bloke once ya get to know ‘im.”

I stared up into his eyes for a long time, knowing what I wanted to say but not how to say it. When the door to the bathroom opened, he dropped his hands and we both turned to see my mom coming out wearing a smile. I smiled back and started to walk over to her but stopped, looking back at Mars. I nodded. “Yeah, I’ll give him time and the benefit of the doubt.” I hesitated for just a second before adding, “I think I’ll do just about anything for you, Mars.” I watched him swallow before resuming my walk toward Mom.

MARS

Mickey could be a twat. I hadn’t even thought about how he’d interpret my actions when I’d reached out and squeezed Cam’s knee in the car. The urge to comfort him had been overwhelming in the heat of the moment and the last thing I needed was to face Mickey’s judgmental scrutiny. I loved Mickey like a brother but that didn’t change the fact that he seemed to analyze everyone’s relationships on the team. He made no qualms about simply giving his opinion whenever it suited him.

I was disappointed when he’d called me out on how I’d behaved with Cam. I’d been just about to clap back at the accusation, when Cam had walked out of the bathroom, stopping me. I knew I’d have to sit down with him and hash things out but doing it in front of Cam wasn’t a good idea. I also had more than a little guilt over the way I’d behaved with Cam last night. The truth was, I knew Mickey would’ve made a huge deal about our connection if he’d caught us together, which is why I’d left Cam’s room so quickly. But for him to make a big, fucking deal about me innocently touching him to comfort him, left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

The brief, whispered conversation in Cam’s hotel room had proved one thing to me, though. I had feelings for Cam that went beyond being a protector, but I wasn’t sure what they were at this point. I knew I liked him a lot and actually, I wanted to get to know him better. The man I’d first met hiding in the SUV at the auction had, at first blush, come off cocky and sneaky. An arrogant little prick.

But as I’d gotten to know him as the day wore on, especially after seeing him with his mum at the care home, I’d seen cracks in his cool façade. When he’d bought that baseball cap just because it was her favorite team, hoping it would jog a distant memory, it’d made me realize there was a lot more to him. He was more than just a dodgy thief. Underneath all his bravado yesterday morning, I’d seen a vulnerable, young guy who deserved more than his lot in life.

I was also afraid for him. Though I’d tried not to show it, his association with a gangster like Josiah Sterling worried me. He’d felt threatened by him, and I knew if it hadn’t been for his mum, he would’ve probably moved away from Vegas a long time ago. I’d only caught glimpses of his expression in the rearview mirror as I’d chased the Audi, but his reaction to all the violence after Sterling’s men had died, had been telling. He’d been shaking as I’d walked him over to the Beemer and it’d been hard to leave him to go back to my team.

I flicked my gaze around the room, not really knowing what to do with myself as Cam helped his mum take off her shoes and lie on one of the beds. He pulled a blanket over her after she told him she wasn’t hungry and then came back over to me.

“She’ll sleep a little.”

I nodded. “Good. That scene at the uni ‘ad to ‘ave been scary for ‘er.”

He looked up at me with haunted, blue eyes. “Yeah, but she’ll probably forget it soon enough or thought it had been a movie.” He chuckled, but there was unspoken pain behind his words. The little hitch in his voice couldn’t mask his despair with fake humor. I checked my watch before looking down at him.

“Are you ‘ungry? All ya ‘ad to eat was a shitty cup of coffee and that croissant.”

He shook his head, smiling slightly. “I don’t think I can eat after seeing what I saw, Mars.”

Two dead men—killers or not—would affect any civilian not used to seeing such carnage. In my everyday life, I lived and breathed work filled with dangerous situations and the occasional dead man. In the military, I’d been faced with carnage every day. It was kind of a miracle Cam hadn’t lost it all together.

“Course.”

Cam’s mum shifted on the bed and we both eyed her as we listened to her settle back down. I reached for his bicep and pulled him farther away, so we were standing near the window. We watched the traffic outside far below, saying nothing, just standing side by side. The nearness wasn’t uncomfortable; it was just strange that we didn’t feel the need to fill the silence with conversation.

“What’s gonna happen now, Mars? Josiah has no doubt learned what happened.” I looked down at the clothes I’d been wearing for two days. “And I have to go get some clothes.”

I hesitated, finally shaking my head. “It’s not safe to go back to your flat now, Cam. Like ya said, Josiah probably knows what ‘appened. I ‘ave a feeling the men driving the Audi rang ‘im while it was ‘appening. They faced off with a chopper filled with my Tac Team brothers, all brandishing ‘eavy firepower. I don’t think anyone would’ve been stupid enough to keep going if they didn’t ‘ave orders to take ya mum, even if it killed them. They could easily ‘ave broken off and run away, but they didn’t, which means they were under orders. So, yeah, I’d say Josiah’s got to be pissed as ‘ell. ’E’s probably posting up at your place right now, waiting for ya.”

Cam just stared at me before shaking his head. “No, Mars. You don’t understand. I have to go back to my apartment. I have to get things there that can’t be replaced since there’s little chance I’ll ever be going back there again after this. You can’t just expect me to leave everything behind.”

“Ya can get more clothes. The Bureau—”

“No!” he cut me off. “I have other stuff, things of my mom’s…things that used to be hers. I can’t just forget about all that. I need to pack up.”

I still had no idea what plans Candy had worked out with regard to Cam. Before all this happened, I had the sneaking suspicion he was planning on using him as more than an informant, possibly in some undercover capacity. But now that Beth and Kindness had been caught out as probable law enforcement, everything was blown. At this point Sterling would suspect that Cam had ratted him out, so putting him in as any kind of undercover was impossible, if that had ever been Candy’s plan. To answer, I settled on asking a question of my own.

“What do you need to get? Is it something we can get in and out of your place with fast, or do you ‘ave to pack stuff up?”

“Well…besides clothes, I have some jewelry my mom left, not expensive stuff, just a few things she didn’t want to keep at Shady Grove in case it got stolen. I also have some recipes I wrote down from memory. And then, I have some—” He broke off, looking down as he shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

“Some what?”

He flicked a glance up at me under heavy lashes. “You’re gonna think it’s stupid.”