Page 13 of Coastal Runaway

And I agreed with her. I didn't need a man.

But I feared that I might need him.

Shaking my head, I pushed those thoughts out of my head. I refused to fall into the trap again. I was three years older and three years wiser. I had exponentially increased my dating and sexual experience, and morphed into the epitome of the perfect college girl.

I was happy on my own, right?

I hated this feeling. I hated the power he has always held over my mind and body. For so long, every decision that I made was based on what others wanted me to do, right up until the moment that I took off and started living for myself. I refused to go back to living that way, and I despised that I got this insistent feeling to cave to him. I thought I grew out of that.

Luke Cavan no longer had control over me.

When I saw him standing on the balcony last week looking down at me, my skin felt itchy like it was a costume—not who I am. I was transported back to all of those feelings that drowned me on my seventy-two hour road trip as I fled from his grasp.

It was as if, because he was in my presence, everyone would point an accusatory finger at me, calling me a poser; a girl in a mask on top of the skeleton of who I used to be.

Like they’d know this wasn’t who I was deep down and they’d want to take away everything I had worked so hard for.

After I started to run through the crowd, I noticed Luke’s gaze stayed on me. In a moment of panic and defiance I let Sinclair grope me right in front of him.

Was it stupid?… Probably.

Was it worth it? Hell. Yes.

He looked like his head was going to explode right off of his body from jealousy before he stormed off. Satisfied with myself, I went to the bathroom and locked the door. I had needed a minute alone to gather myself. The thoughts raced in my brain as I tried to make sense of seeing him here.

Why was he here?

Was this the universe punishing me for something?

Was it for the time that I put salt instead of sugar into Nolan’s cookies last year? Because I apologized for that.

After I calmed down, I pushed my shoulders back and opened the door only to crash into a brick wall.

Not a wall.

Luke looked irritated, his arms shot out to steady me, until our eyes met and that classic, soul shattering smile crept onto his face.

My stomach jumped at the use of the nickname Luke gave me when we were kids. He first called me Tigger after I joined gymnastics when I was seven. I used to flip and bounce around the house, constantly getting in the way of any game they were trying to play.

I enjoyed annoying them as much as I liked playing the games alongside them. One day while playing a new game on Xbox, they were huddled around the TV with Aiden. I was feeling restless so I started doing cartwheels back and forth across the room blocking the television from view.

Annoyed with me, Luke told me to stop acting like Tigger and sit with them. The nickname stuck for a few years but most of my siblings reverted to calling me Keegan, or Keegs for short. Luke had been the sole reason that this nickname lived on. He’d used the shortened pet name for me more often than my real name.

Hearing the name that he had reserved only for me angered me more than I thought it would. It cracked something deep inside of me. He took something special and set it ablaze for a fleeting need. I realized that I probably looked like a deer in headlights, so I reared back ready to spar with the only boy I had ever loved.

The entire interaction with Luke was tense. I felt like now I needed to leave my walls up 24/7 so as to not chance a weak moment in front of him. I already felt myself affected as he implied he had no idea why I even left in the first place, if he pushed me further I might just crack.

The fucking audacity of men. Ugh.

We pulled up to the field house and I cut the engine, “I don’t want this to affect me, you know? I don't want his energy to hold me captive anymore.”

Maeve reached out and touched my arm, “I know, babe, but he doesn’t hold the power here. You do.”

I tipped my head back and closed my eyes, centering my thoughts and letting Maeve’s words sink in. Luke Cavan no longer affected me.

And I would continue to believe that lie for as long as I needed too.

We hopped out of the Jeep and headed inside to drop our bags before the rally.