Page 60 of Tempting Fate

“I mean it. I can’t—” Emotion chokes me all at once and Patch shifts a little closer, but that jostles the bed and we both freeze. When it’s clear Em isn’t going to wake up, I sigh. “You have to tell him.”

“I know. I will. I didn’t think we’d end up here, either.”

“Why did you say yes?”

“What?”

Tears sting my eyes. Fuck. I don’t want to feel like this. We just had fun. We all fit together like we were made to. But we weren’t. This isn’t like Drew and Adam and Sam. Patch knew his mate on sight, and it’s not me.

“Downstairs. W-when he asked. Why did you ask too?”

Patch is silent. I beg the tears not to fall. Fuck, why didn’t I keep my mouth shut?

“Because I wanted you,” Patch says.

I can’t ask if he wants me now. I can’t. Because if he says no, I’ll have to leave, and I don’t want to upset Em, if nothing else.

“Jamie—”

“You have to tell him,” I whisper. “You saw what happened with Vince and Dax. If you put it off for too long, it’s just going to upset him.”

“I know. I will.”

“And I won’t… I’m not trying to get in your way. Nothing like that. I know this can’t happen again.”

He says nothing to that, and my heart sinks. I settle back down on the bed, though, because I can’t do anything else, and then turn my face into the pillow and squeeze my eyes shut.

I don’t know when Patch stopped touching me, but when he reaches out again, fingers sliding over my skin, I flinch away. He lifts his hand—I fancy I can feel the press of air where he hovers over my back—and then withdraws it completely, the bed moving as he curls into Em’s side.

This can’t happen again.

I won’t let it.

When I wake a few hours later, both Em and Patch are gone from the bed. The hallway light is on, and I hear voices downstairs, the faint pulse of music. I breathe in deeply. Beyond the smell of sex, of us, I realise Em is making dinner, just like he said he would.

My chest tightens. For a moment, I can’t breathe at all. In the next, I’m on my feet, and I snatch up my clothes before I scurry into my room and close the door.

My phone is in my trouser pocket, so I fish it out and sit, still naked, on the edge of my bed. I only pause when my thumb is hovering over Vince’s contact. Patch will hear if I call, won’t he? And what’s the point of ringing Vince right now? He can’t help with this. All he’ll want to do is rush over and fix things for me and that’s the last thing I want.

I toss my phone aside instead and crawl under my duvet, curling up into a ball. I’m not foolish enough to believe they’re not thinking of me. Em is too considerate for that. He’ll be making enough food for the three of us—probably enough that Nick can have some tomorrow, even—and Patch can likely hear my every movement, probably already knows that I’m awake and have left Em’s bedroom.

Fuck. I roll over and grope around for my phone, which is somewhere on the carpet. Once I’ve found it without leaving my duvet cave, I drag it into the darkness with me, wincing when I unlock it and the screen just about blinds me.

It’s cowardly of me, but I’ve never pretended not to be a coward. And I need time. Time to get my head back on straight and remember where I’m supposed to be. I have a new job to look forward to. I have friends outside of Patch and Em.

I send a quick text to let Em know that I’m not going to eat, that I just want to sleep and I’ll talk to him in the morning. His phone chirps below, the music dipping quiet.

They’re not close enough that I can hear any words, and I’m only human. But I hear the soft exchange of voices. I don’t want to know what they’re saying. I won’t strain to find out.

I turn my phone off instead and curl up a little tighter. Things will be better in the morning. They have to be better in the morning.