Page 39 of Bad Intentions

“Why now?”

“I don’t know, Josie. But I need you to go away.”

Her words stun me. “What? What do you mean away?”

“I think it’s best if you go back to Pittsburgh. Safer that way. He won’t be able to find you there.”

I stare in shock. “Are you kidding? Are? You? Kidding me?”

I rise from the chair so abruptly that it tips and rattles on its legs before it sets back in place.

“I came here for you!” I say loudly, my voice cracking. “I left Pittsburgh. You know what happened there. And I want to be⁠—”

“It’s safer there, Josie!”

“No! What do you think this is? The nineties?”

“He won’t find you if⁠—”

“I’m not going! I’m staying with you!”

“I need to sort this out, Josie. And I will.”

“Oh, yeah? Because what, Donna Snickett is your best friend again? She was so great that you two haven’t spoken in decades. Or because the chief is going to catch the big bad criminal?” I say in my most mockingly scary voice. “Because he did such a stellar job back then?”

“Maybe this time, we will,” Grandma says as I start pacing around the kitchen.

I laugh. “Oh! Em! Gee! Yeah. That guy kidnapped a person, and no one even noticed until I stepped into that house. What are you going to do, Grams? Take your old gun and hunt him down?”

She lifts her chin, a viciousness on her face I’ve never seen before. “I will deal with it. I have no one but you, Josie,” she says softly, her chin just slightly trembling, making my chest tighten. “I’d rather you be safe and away than by my side and going through what your mom had to go through years ago.”

I’m not even sure if she’s referring to the incident or Mom’s death two years after it.

“I might’ve done a lot of stupid things,” I say, “but leaving you by yourself won’t be one. I decided I want to be a proud Burn-villian,” I say with as much bitterness as I can manage. “I’ll see you later.”

I grab my parka and stomp toward the door.

“Josie, please, listen⁠—”

I slam the door shut before I hear what she has to say. First, it’s anger that simmers inside me. She refuses to tell me about her past, so I’ll dig into it myself. Then, I feel the familiar stubbornness. I’m old enough to be someone she can count on. Right now, she needs it more than ever.

By the time I get in my car, tears well up in my eyes. And that’s stupid self-pity. My mother left me, in a manner of speaking. And the only person I love wants me gone.

24

KAREN

I never meant to push Josie away. I only meant to guide her. I did the same with Alysha. She was a typical youngling, too sure of herself, too judgmental of the older generation, walking out on problems because she had me to sort them out.

“Don’t let the door hit you in the ass,” we used to say to the young ones, and so had our parents to us, and theirs before them, because when you’ve lived a life, you know just how hard that door can swing at you when your nose is too high to see what’s under your feet.

Josie is a good kid. She was born with a talent. When you grow up in a small town, with a dark past, as a loner, that talent is a rebellion. It blooms, hiding from the bullies, and when it gets a chance, it bursts like sunshine. That's why I wanted Josie to leave Burnville. She had to share that with the world, that sunshine that a town like Burnville often snuffed out.

I wish I could tell her everything that happened back then, but I can’t. Some secrets are not meant to be shared. Ignorance is boring but safe. Knowledge often has sharp edges. Without experience, it’s hard to hold sharp objects and not get cut.

I sit at the kitchen table for a while, the silence around me suffocating. I want to move, but I can’t, the memories in my head paralyzing me.

I should text Josie and apologize. Will that help? I’ve been here before, trying to teach, to protect. Josie is not her momma, but this still hurts. It cuts deep. The sound of the door being slammed. The angry tears. The accusations. I tried to raise Josie differently. Granted, Josie was a different child—introverted, sensitive, and kind.