Page 79 of Left In The Dark

This is stupid. It’s careless. It was never supposed to happen again. But it doesn’t stop me from walking through the front door of my house with him anyway.

It was the look he gave me. The yearning and desperation that turned into relief when he saw me enter the room. It was addicting to watch his face light up. It didn’t take much to do it anymore either, but it made me want to do more and more.

It also made me feel like shit, because it doesn’t matter what I gave him and did for him, it was never going to be enough. He deserved better than this and it took me trying to break an already broken man to realize it. I saw his dad at the store last week and he shot me a distasteful look, squeezing past me to flirt with the lady at the pharmacy. He was laughing and smiling without a care in the world. Meanwhile his son had been missing for two months.

Everyone in town was acting like normal, his friends replacing him with each other and new people. They were still going out for drinks, throwing parties, and shooting pool at the bowling alley. No one was looking for him or asking where he was anymore. Hayden was stuffing his face with cheese fries and making chicken noises at me when I last went out, and I ignored him. He had his arm around a guy I’ve never seen before, and it could have been Blake if Blake wasn’t stuck in my barn.

I don’t know why that made me angry, but it did. The thought that Blake only chooses me and wants my company because there’s no one else here. That’s what I originally wanted, though. All his directions only leading to me. But doesn’t that go against me teaching him to only do something if he wants to? And not to do it because someone makes him feel he has to?

It turns out I only wanted that to apply to others, but now I don’t know what I want. I don’t think it’s this anymore. Yes, I want him. I want him so fucking bad and it screws with my head daily, but I don’t know who he really wants. I don’t think he does either.

“Are we back in your house?” he asks quietly.

In my house but not my room. My mom’s room. He’d recognize mine. “Yeah. We are. You’re going to be good while you’re in here, right?”

He nods. “Your roommate isn’t home?”

“You let me worry about that.” I lay him on the mattress and hook a cuff link to his ankle, securing it to the bottom bedpost.

“Is that really necessary? I promise I won’t try to go anywhere.”

“It is for now.”

“Does it really matter if you plan to let me go anyway?” He scoots back in the bed, folding in one of his legs.

“I’m too tired for all your questions and I need to hurry to the store before the roads get too bad. How’s your face doing? I’ll probably get more first aid stuff for it while I’m there too.”

He touches his cheek and his expression tenses. “It hurts, but not too bad. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did it.”

I sigh, rubbing his leg. “It’s okay. Well, it’s not okay, but this was the only way you felt you could get what was going through your head across to me. If I’d been around more, you wouldn’t have felt the need to do it.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“You’re looking awful snuggly in my bed to be that sorry.”

He turns his face away, the blindfold swishing against his eyes. “Can’t I be sorry while also being happy to be out of the barn?”

I let out a long breath. “I guess so. Do you need me to bring you anything before I leave?”

He leans his head down and shakes it. “No. I don’t think so.”

“I’ll bring you an ice pack anyway and some pain meds.”

“You got any Diet Coke?”

“No, but I’ll grab some today. I keep forgetting.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” I exit the room, and before I leave for the store, I bring him everything I think he’ll need before heading out.

The parking lot is crowded, but that’s not any huge surprise since I bet everyone’s panicking at the thought of being stuck inside for three days. We’ve got all next week off from the academy, and until further notice. The storm is supposed to be really bad with freezing temperatures, so I might have had to bring him inside the house anyway, but I was hoping it wouldn’t be for the whole time in case my mom came home.

She was stopping by less and less, though. I don’t blame her, since I’m sure seeing all my dad’s stuff doesn’t really help her to move forward. I haven’t had the time to pack the rest of his shit, and he hasn’t bothered me about it in a while. His new job must be keeping him busy. Good. I hope it always does. I sigh in annoyance when two people are kissing at the end of the aisle I’m in. I try to avoid looking their way, and then I’m forced to when one of them backs into me.

“Logan?” My dad’s eyes widen and the person he’s with looks back at me. The hood of their jacket falls, revealing their face, and my mouth gapes.

Hayden mutters curse words, lifting his hood up, and tells my dad he’ll wait for him in the car, hitting my shoulder with his as he rushes past me.