Page 137 of Taint My Soul

“Yeah.”

He kisses me gently, even though it’s short-lived, it’s everything. “I just want you to know that I’ll be here every day.”

I nod and fall into his embrace.

“Is there anything else you’d like to do?”

“Yes.” I take out a rose stalk from the bouquet, and we walk over to the shore until the waves crash against our feet. “Mason Cole, I set you free,” I say, eyes locked on the water. “Thank you for being strong for me. For persevering. For being brave and protecting me.” I pluck the petals from the rose stalk one after the other, scattering them into the sea.

Silence presses in from every direction. My heart aches with the heaviness I’m trying to escape. I shut my eyes and inhale sharply. Somewhere in my heart, a flicker of light sits quietly in my chest. For the first time in my life, I know I don’t have to look over my shoulder again. The factor that has kept me in a cycle of fear my whole life is gone.

Saint steps closer and puts his hand on my shoulders and squeezes, “I’m proud of you. Of your bravery and strength. I’m proud that you never stopped fighting, even when the odds were stacked against you. That you were loyal to your survival.”

“Thank you, Saint.” I give him a firm nod.

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

ELIO

Through the floor-to-ceiling windows, the morning sun spills into the living room in a warm glow. Saint and I had filled out and sent in the intake form to Dr. Khadija on Saturday. It had questions about the crisis timeline, prior attempts, psychiatric history, and other important factors required for the doctor’s review.

Saint and I spent the entire weekend in the penthouse, basically doing nothing except eating and lying on the couch with me tucked into his arms. In that short time, I didn’t feel the need to run or to pretend. I just felt… numb. It’s really a gift to live without ever worrying if someone will crash into what you’ve built and pluck it away from your hands. Neo is dead, and his puppet master, Vincent, has been incarcerated in the Red Vault. David died at my hands, and I try to forget the details of that night, even though I carry the bullet scar in my body.

It’s an early Tuesday morning when Dr. Khadija arrives at the penthouse. She came in on Monday and had to settle in before our first session together.

She sits on the dark couch, notebook open in her lap, a black pen in her hand. I sit opposite her with Saint. I had insisted that he stay through the hour-long session. Saint told me all about her. She became his therapist after the events that happened in the Red Vault and the tragic loss of his mother.

I want to be here.

I want to talk about this.

I know this pain and anger will only haunt me if I choose to ignore it or pretend it doesn’t exist.

I can’t deal with the horror of having that burden on my chest. I want to have a different life now he’s gone.

Dr. Khadija smiles at me as she sets a timer on her phone and places it on the side stool. She looks at me one more time and scribbles something in her notebook. “How are you feeling today?”

“Better than last week.” I answer.

“Great. I’m Dr. Khadija. Your boyfriend, Saint, has been my client for quite some time now, and I promise you, you’re in good hands.”

I nod and fiddle with the drawstrings of my shorts.

“Have you had a suicidal thought since you woke up in the hospital?”

“No.” I answer plainly.

“How have you been feeling?”

I pause, taking in a slow, aching breath. “Numb. Different.” I lean back against the couch and exhale sharply.

“Could you say that this feeling is an aftereffect of what you did?” She cocks her head, brows lifting in interest.

The memories flood back in, and a faint thrum of unease runs through me. I adjust on the couch. My hands tighten and unclench, a slow breath leaving my lungs. “Yes.”

“Can you walk me through what happened?” She asks. “If that’s okay with you…” I look at Saint, who sits beside me, and she adds quickly. “Don’t worry, there are no recording devices.”

Saint gives me a nod and a brief smile, taking my hand. That gesture alone steadies me. I inhale deeply, eyes switching back to Dr. Khadija.