Page 70 of Queen of Ruin

I replay it now as I walk into the kitchen and bump right into Ivy, who squeals in shock, then breaks out laughing as her awkward stance manages to save her toast from ending up on the floor when we collide.

“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry!” I gasp, stepping away before I can cause any more damage.

“You’re fine.” Ivy smiles. “Although it’s a little weird, I gotta say. I’m so used to your being so graceful and aware of everything all the time. This new bumbling you is a little more human.”

“Was I a robot before?” I ask with a wince.

“No,” Ivy replies immediately. “You were guarded. Careful. But your heart and who you were was always clear. The you right now is just… softer around the edges, that’s all. Zira and I used to talk about how you just needed the right man to soften you up. Not that you needed a man for anything, just that we felt you deserved to find a person who would treat you exactly how you deserved to be. Although…” She leans in with a warm smile. “Maybe you’ve found that, hmm?”

“Maybe.” My stomach twists as a giddy sensation rushes through me at the thought of Diego. “Speaking of, I’m so sorry again about ruining your wedding.”

Ivy reaches out with her free hand and squeezes my shoulder. “Don’t be. We want you there. I want you there. And your going missing was much more serious than any wedding. Honestly, I think Zira was the most heartbroken. She’d finally gotten all her puppies from the shelter to walk down the aisle with their flower baskets without wandering away. Apparently, that was a once in a blue moon thing because they haven’t done it since.”

“Are you two still…?”

“Going to get married? Of course! He saved my life. I love him. He loves me. Everything else is just… noise. Helping you is the priority, though, trust me. None of us could settle without you, and we want everyone with us when we tie the knot, so… I’m really, really glad you’re back.”

“Me too.” I smile, and for the first time, I might actually mean it.

Ivy leaves and I brew myself some hot, sweet herbal tea and then head through the building toward Cassian’s meditation room. Learning that this entire place and more exist on top of the Empire State Building still blows my mind.

Maybe Diego was right and I really am rich.

Tea in hand, I knock gently on the door. “Cassian?”

Inside, low light washes over pale walls, where several projectors beam ocean waves up to the ceiling. Soft, gentle music drifts through the air with the occasional tinkle of wind chimes. Several candles ring the edge of the room, with incense burning to fill the air with a heavenly, sweet scent.

“Wow. You really go all out.”

Cassian turns to face me, dressed in loose, flowing pants and an equally light shirt. “It’s all about setting the mood. Creating a safe space.”

“I can’t… match all of this with everything I heard in the meeting the other day. This feels like an entirely different world.”

“You said the same thing the first time I took you to a hot stone massage.” Cassian grins. “You never said anything like it after.”

“Good that some things never change, right?” I offer with a smile.

Cassian nods, then he motions me forward and points to a thick, soft cushion on the floor. “Sit. Drink your tea. We’ll begin when you’re ready.”

I sit as requested and hum slightly at how comfortable the cushion is. Crossing my legs, my teacup warms my palms and I drink it slowly while watching him light the final candles around the room. By the time he’s finished, my tea is almost gone, and he sits in front of me with a warm smile.

“Good?”

I nod. “Do you really think this will work?”

“It’s not so much whether this will work as creating a safe space for you to go back in your mind. Memory loss can be caused by all sorts of things, but I believe that part of what holds us back is our own minds. Fear of what we might see, and fear of what we might lose when we remember.”

“Lose?”

“Right now, you’re safe from whatever happened to you. Remembering will remove that safety.” Cassian rolls his eyes slightly. “Some of it is just words, but at the end of the day, it can’t hurt. And if you remember nothing, then that’s fine because your body has been through a lot and this will help relax you.”

“Okay.” I drain the last of my tea and set it aside. “I’m ready.”

“Close your eyes, relax your hands on the crest of your knees, and take a deep breath, following me,” Cassian instructs.

For the next twenty minutes, that’s all we do. Deep breathing to the sound of softly crashing waves and the beautiful music filling the room. Warmth washes over me and a deep sense of peace blossoms in my chest.

Finally, Cassian speaks.