Page 6 of Dreaming Without Heartache

“No, sweetheart. I’m not. But if you want me to be strict, then that’s what you’ll get.” I pick up her phone and sit down at her feet. She turns her head away. “You lied to me today. This is becoming a pattern that I don’t appreciate. You broke my trust, and it’s up to you to earn it back. I’m worried about you, Kara. Why won’t you talk to me?”

Kara crosses her arms as she continues to stare across the room. “I have nothing to say.”

“Honey…” I place my hand on her leg. She immediately jerks away. I sigh. “I know you’re hurting. I’m always going to be here for you, but if you won’t talk to me then please let me get someone you will feel—”

“No.” Kara stands and walks over to the papasan chair in the corner of her room. She sits down and stares out the window. The fading sun blankets the room with a light-orange glow. “Absolutely not.” Her voice is stern.

“Okay.” I nod, not knowing what else to do. “You’re grounded for a week. I’ll take you to school and pick you up.” I stand and walk to the door.

“Can I at least have my phone back?”

“Nah. You don’t know how to answer or return a call anyway.” I close the door behind me as a loud grunt from Kara fills the air.

I make my way back toward the kitchen but stop off to check on Maisie. She’s sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table with her head lying on her arm. She’s twirling her pencil. I sit behind her on the couch and run my fingers through her ponytail.

“How are you doing, honey?”

She shrugs, making no effort to sit up.

“Homework all done?”

She nods.

“Want to help me cook dinner?” Maisie cuts her eyes toward me, interested in that idea. All three of us used to help Annie in the kitchen. We’d make a mess but had a blast doing so.

“What are you making?”

“Um…” I squint my eyes and tap my finger against my mouth. A small giggle escapes her little body, so I know I’m on the right track. “What would you like?”

She pops her head up. “Chicken fingers and french fries!”

“And mac and cheese?” I ask.

“Yes! And lots of ketchup.” Maisie smiles wide, showing all the teeth that she’s lost and the new ones coming in.

“Sounds perfect.” I stand and hold out my hand.

Maisie and I gather pans to bake the chicken tenders and fries. First we boil the water for mac and cheese. We turn some music on and dance while we cook. I glance toward the stairs hoping that Kara will come down and join us like she used to. But she doesn’t.

When the food is done, I send Maisie up to get Kara who, of course, says she isn’t hungry. I give her no choice but to join us. Maisie eats all the food on her plate, and I praise her for doing so. Kara eats only one chicken tender and half her fries, then heads back to her room. I know she eats because Sam told me she does. I also find empty boxes and bags in the trash in the mornings. Obviously, she’s sneaking down to the kitchen while I’m asleep. I just need to figure out how to get her to open up to me, so we can get back on track.

Chapter Three

I jerk awake, gasping for air. My body’s drenched in sweat. I try to orient myself. I reach for my watch on the nightstand to see that it’s only three a.m. As I switch on the bedside lamp, I notice a leg draped across me. Maisie’s climbed in bed with me again. She’s sound asleep and lying sideways. I gently remove her leg and turn off the lamp so not to wake her. I know what’s happened. I sneak up the stairs to her room. The bedding is just as I had guessed. I remove the sheets and take them to the washer. There’s an appointment with her therapist tomorrow. The bed-wetting hasn’t improved. Maybe I had a hand in it tonight when I yelled at Kara. That thought upsets me.

With the washing machine started, I find that I’m wide awake. I gather some jogging clothes from my room and tiptoe out to the guest bathroom down the hall to change. Heading out, I lock the door, and pop in my headphones. I click on the playlist labeled Sad, because obviously I like to torment myself.

The temperature feels good this time of the morning, unlike the warm weather during the day. That’s autumn in the South. It’s dark, so I stick to the sidewalk instead of the wooded trail I usually run. My breathing becomes heavy and quick as I push myself harder and faster. I want to feel the pain. It lets me know I’m still alive. Something my sister doesn’t have the privilege of anymore.

The more I think about the dream, the harder I run. It’s always the same, coming back again and again. I was home alone the night I got the devastating news that Annie and Bill were in a car accident and didn’t survive. The call stole my breath, as if life drained out of me the moment I answered. The best part of me left this world that night. The girls were with Judy so Bill and Annie could attend a party for his law firm. I called the only person I knew would be there for me unconditionally. Steven came immediately and drove me to the medical examiner’s office. An image seared into my mind forever.

After the second lap around the streets, I turn the corner toward the house. Immediately I notice a car sitting at the curb with only the parking lights on. I slow to a brisk walk as I get closer. The driver must have noticed me because the car takes off. I jog after it trying to make out the tag number, but it’s too dark. The car appears to be an older model Honda Civic. As it vanishes, I stop and stare down the road. It’s too early for most people to be out for work and too late for teenagers. With that thought, I look back at the house. It seems quiet. My eyes find the second level and a breath of fresh air escapes when I see Kara’s light off, windows down, and blinds closed. Still makes me uneasy to know someone was parked in front of the house.

My watch vibrates, a notification congratulating me on reaching my step goals. I’m off to a great start and it’s only four a.m. now. I’m tired, but I don’t know if sleep will come. I should go back in and try. I make a pit stop to throw Maisie’s bedding in the dryer before going back to the bedroom. She’s still sound asleep in my bed. I quietly shut the door to the bathroom. The water’s warm against my tired body. It feels amazing. I bathe quickly, trying to be quiet. I dress and close the bedroom door as I leave the room once again. I’m too awake to sleep at the moment.

A faint light from the kitchen catches my eye as I walk into the living room. Slowly I edge my way closer to the kitchen as quietly as possible. Kara’s rummaging through the cabinets. An open can of soda is on the counter.

“Hungry?” I say loudly enough to startle her.