Page 61 of Dreaming Without Heartache

“Hello, my love,” Steven answers cheerfully.

“Steven…” is all I manage to say before the sobs take over, shaking through me.

“I’m on my way,” he says instantly, urgency replacing cheer. And I know he will be to me shortly. That’s one of many reasons why he’s my best friend.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Saturday morning started early for us. Maisie’s been in my bed all week. Not having Kara upstairs has changed her comfort level. Neither of us has slept well. She’s spent most nights tossing and turning, her legs and arms flying into me like a tiny UFC fighter. I’ve been slapped so many times, I think I’d stand a chance in the ring. Even with all that going on during the night, it’s still not why I can’t sleep.

Since Kara left, my mind’s been consumed with her. I wonder if she’s sleeping well, if Judy’s giving her good options for dinner, if she’s keeping up with schoolwork, if she misses home. It’s not easy. I miss her.

I miss Sam too. But that part I push down to the compartment in the back of my mind. I have to deal with one heartache at a time. If I allow it, my emotions will consume me, and I have Maisie to think of.

Steven’s been my saving grace. He’s shown up here almost every day after work, providing support and comfort without judgment. He’s the best of people. I know he’s deeply in love with Luke, yet he’s stepped up for me and Maisie. He hasn’t questioned my decision, and he hasn’t talked about Sam. I’m thankful for that.

We made the commitment to go through Bill and Annie’s room. Steven’s idea, of course. I probably would have put it off forever. But he’s right. Nothing difficult is ever conquered without taking the first step. When my strength fails, he becomes my backbone.

Even this early in the morning, Steven and Maisie are full of energy while I lack motivation for the day. Grief is heavy. I feel the weight of it. Life goes on, but not always easily.

“I love this.” Maisie giggles as she twirls around with one of her dad’s jackets hanging off her tiny shoulders. “I remember this.”

“I love it too.” I smile. “Let’s keep it.”

Her eyes light up with joy. “Yay!” She proudly places the jacket in the keep pile. My heart warms as I think of Bill wearing that jacket the night we celebrated their anniversary. One day, I’ll show her the pictures and tell her all about that night. How happy her parents were and how deeply they loved her and Kara.

“Look at this.” Steven holds up a locket that belonged to my mother. When he opens it, my breath catches. Inside are two tiny pictures of Annie and me as little girls. She’s on the left, smiling with that mischievous grin. I’m on the right, gap-toothed and shy. We don’t have many photos from our childhood, so finding this is a gift.

I take the locket from him, tracing the miniature images with my thumb. We were so young. I always thought Kara looked like Bill, but in this photo, I see my sister’s face in hers. Tears spring to my eyes as I stare at the only person that made me feel truly loved.

Maisie wraps her little arms around me. “It’s okay, Aunt Allie.”

A smile forms through my tears as I pull her onto my lap. “This is your mom when she was young.” I point to her picture. “She was a little older than you are here. She was so smart and was always making me laugh. She was the best big sister.”

Maisie lifts the picture to her mouth and kisses it. “Mommy was so cute.”

I laugh softly. “She really was.”

“Kara’s a good big sister too,” Maisie adds, glancing up at me.

“She is,” I agree. I squeeze her into a hug and rock her side to side. “I know you miss her. I do, too.”

“Okay!” Steven claps his hands. “What do we want for lunch? I’m starving.” The emotion in the room must be getting to him. He’s a big softy.

“McDonald’s.” Maisie’s eyes widen with excitement.

“Maybe,” I say, tickling her sides. “Can I borrow some money, though?”

Maisie hops off my lap, marches to Steven and rests her little hand on his shoulder. “Uncle Steven,” she says in her most serious voice. “Can Aunt Allie borrow some money? It’s for a good cause.”

Steven bursts out laughing as he pulls out his wallet. “Will five dollars work?”

“Thank you!” Maisie beams, taking the money and sprinting it back to me. “Here, I got it,” she says, so proud of her achievement.

“Guess that’s a start,” I tease. Steven and I laugh as my phone rings. It’s Judy. “Hey,” I answer, still chuckling.

“Allie!” Judy gasps, breathless.

I jump to my feet. “What’s wrong?”