Page 30 of Life, Love, and Other Messes

Finally, the door opened and Catherine poked her head out. “Hey.”

After the initial visit, therapists didn’t call patients by name in the waiting room. I didn’t understand why it mattered because we’d all seen one another sitting there, but it wasn’t my business to challenge any rules. “Hey.” I followed her through the door and down the hall to her office. As she closed the door behind us, I took my seat on the right side of the sofa, tucked the throw pillow in next to me, and watched her settle into her chair.

“You’re doing well today.”

“Am I?” I hadn’t really thought about it, but I had been feeling pretty good across the board since I’d been spending time with Lisa.

“Well, a lot better than last time.”

“I was on my meds then.”

“Right, but it was right after going home for the wedding.”

I laughed to myself. “Yeah, that was a shit show.”

“It was. You’ve moved past it.”

“I guess I haven’t really thought about it since the last time I was here.”

“Really.”

“Really. I’ve been busy, I guess, with work and stuff.”

Catherine smiled patiently although I knew it drove her crazy when I hedged around things. “What kind of stuff?”

It felt weird to broach the subject, but the whole point of Catherine was talking about things in confidence. Well, and drugs. “Okay. It’s stupid, but I have this neighbor whose husband just moved out and she came out to me. We’ve been spending a lot of time together.”

Catherine’s eyebrows jumped. “Oh?”

“It’s nothing…We’re just friends, but it’s nice to hang out and go on walks and…That stuff, you know?”

“Just friends?”

“Yes.” I felt completely indignant, like I always did when Catherine saw straight through me. “She’s just lonely and wanting a friend. Anyway, she’s not quite divorced.”

“Are you attracted to her?”

“No.”

Catherine waited for a moment, but when I made no move to amend that, spoke. “Lying to yourself or just to me?”

I glowered at her. “Just to you.”

Catherine grinned. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“That I’m lying to you?”

“That you’re ready to let go of Veronica.”

“The point is moot because she’s not interested in me. Like I said, lonely and wanting a friend. She’s busy crushing on one of her co-workers.”

“But whether or not you have an opportunity with this woman, you’re ready to let go.”

“I’ll just fuck things up again.”

“Who says? If you tell yourself that you will, there’s no way around it.”

“History says. I mean, being friends with this woman makes me nervous because I’m probably going to fuck that up.”