Page 115 of The Divine Lies We Weave

“Say something,” he urged.

“What do you want me to say?” Leela asked. The walls began to close in around her, suffocating her. “How does this make any sense?”

Her chest swelled with a sense of dread, one heavier than when she saw the lustisha stomping down their village walls.

A monster bigger than a lustisha… Oh, they were reckless. The closer they were, the worse the outcome would be. She would break his heart, and he’d create more lustishas or whatever the fuck this new monster was. No. Leela was grateful she never said those words out loud. Not at the expense of other people.

“Leela.” Rajesh turned and grasped her chin, forcing her to face him. His eyes softened.

Leela pushed the stinging sensation away from behind her eyes. She tried not to let him in, but also wished things were different. The desire between them fizzled, and Leela was clouded with uncertainty and fear. If she let Rajesh back in into her heart, she risked monsters being born at her expense if anything were to happen, and in a world where danger was around every corner, she couldn’t promise it wouldn’t happen—especially when the Viperess was a ticking bomb.

Thoughts of Hema crossed her mind. Of Leela’s own village being torn apart and families lost. Of her own history. Children lost, never to be found again. Mothers and children separated. Villages torn apart. Families torn apart. The pain and heartache that came from it because Rajesh birthed a lustisha—or worse.

Could she be the cause of more heartache?

For more monsters? Bigger monsters?

Leela bowed her head. She knew the answer had been swimming within her for weeks since they found each other. She was just too weak and naive to believe their love could conquer vengeful Flames.

“Talk to me. What are you thinking?” he whispered, searching her eyes for the answer.

“I… No…” she said. “I just…”

It was all too much.

No. It was best to stop it now. Before their feelings grew too deep. Leela bit the inside of her cheek, but it didn’t stop the tears from escaping.

“Leela…” Rajesh said, wiping off her cheek with his thumb. “Talk to me.”

Leela pulled back, her breath caught in her chest, and forced herself to meet his gaze.

Rajesh stood there, curls idly brushing against his jaw, emotions twirling within his eyes.

She had to pick her words wisely. It didn’t matter if the Flames were finally working things out. Leela did not trust them to just forgive one another after such a long time, not when the Viperess had had centuries to plot and plan her revenge. No. Them forgiving one another did not change a thing, because Rajesh still had the curse. If she angered him, he could grow another furybeast or an angstent. If she broke his heart, he’d birth a lustisha. If she loved him, and he loved her…

And that was the issue.

Would it be better to birth a lustisha if she broke his heart here and now than the other monster? Could the world handle another lustisha? The seed of dread grew thicker, wider, burrowing thorns. She covered her mouth and held her stomach, forcing herself to think of the inevitable. Because it didn’t matter if she broke his heart, the lustisha would be a better outcome than this new beast.

Best to birth a lustisha than this other beast.

She straightened her shoulders and looked Rajesh in the eye. “I can’t love you. Not when we both know what happens.”

Rajesh’s jaw tightened and stepped closer. “We know our circumstances now. Our Flames⁠—”

“Still harbor very confusing feelings,” Leela said, pushing him back.

Rajesh slumped against her palm. “Wh—what are you saying? Please don’t say it.”

Everything was too complicated. Too overwhelming for her to grasp that she didn’t want to grasp it. Because grasping it meant she had to relive it, over and over again.

Grasping it meant admitting she loved a man she couldn’t have and now, without needing him to say it, she knew he loved her too.

Leela sighed and looked at him.

He continued to stand with a gentle shimmer in his eye. He looked as handsome as the day she realized what he meant to her. She had half a mind to ignore it all and just fall back into his arms, to ignore the bickering Flames in their minds and fuck it all to the Netherworld—to just uncomplicate it all with a simple kiss.

But that would mean Leela having to give herself up and lose a part of herself, like she had watched Rajesh lose himself trying to control his emotions.