Page 105 of The Shadow Sanctum

“I need you to leave.” My touch softens as I travel my fingers down his neck. “I’ve enjoyed our time together, but you don’t belong here. You’re not one of us.”

He huffs and seems to deflate. His hand whips toward the square. “You’re not one of them, Luna. You’re not the Shadow Sanctum’s leader, you’re a victim of it.”

Something flickers in his gaze that I don’t immediately recognize. Until his breath shakes and his grip tightens on my wrist.

Hope.

“I can give you a life.” His voice breaks low. “A full one. Anything you’ve ever read in a book. I’ll give you the ocean, the mountains, adventure and art, and people who understand who you are instead of judging you for science they don’t understand.”

He swallows. “Or we don’t have to be around people at all. We could spend the rest of our lives on a beach somewhere, just you and me. Or we’ll go off-grid in some forest if you don’t like the sand. Or…” His mouth hangs open a moment while his eyes seem to dance, searching for the perfect location. “Or fucking Siberia. Whatever you want.”

My lips lift into a sad smile while I stare at Sawyer's perfect face, marred by sleepless nights and bruises I caused.

“You hate the snow,” I whisper.

He sighs so hard, I feel the weight of it. The weight of his hope.

I wish I could tell him that nothing he’s saying matters. Not really.

I’ve always wanted to see the ocean. I’ve always wanted to climb higher mountains, see new wildlife, experience new climates, and climb new trees. But when I look at this man, I’m not tempted. They no longer matter.

It’s just him.

The only place in the world I want to be is at his side.

By the ocean or in a desert. In the comfort of trees or under the judgmental eyes of a crowded beach. In Heaven or in Hell.

As long as Sawyer is there, I would be happy.

That’s the part that hurts the most.

“I do hate the snow,” he laughs weakly, his eyes glassy. “But I love you.”

My throat clogs, and though I want to nod just to tell him I believe him, I force myself to still.

But I do believe him. Because he’s still standing here. Even when it could kill him, he’s standing here.

How foolish of me to fear I would be just another necklace around his neck.

I press a hand to his chest, not to push him away but to keep myself upright. The shell isn’t tucked inside his shirt like it usually is. It’s gone, a memory he’s laid to rest.

“My people need me,” I whisper. “Not just to kill my father but to protect their faith… I’m afraid you’re right. The Shadow Sanctum’s time has come to an end, but my people will have to live on. They’ll have to cope with reality the outside world won’t understand. They’ll need to justify their choices for themselves, otherwise they’ll shatter beneath their own condemnation… What they need most from me now is assurance that everything we’ve believed in has been sacred. Maybe not to my father, but to me. To them. How can I give that assurance without respecting our traditions?”

His brows pull tight. “Your tradition of killing each other?”

My cheeks drop as my eyes roam his face. “I know you don’t understand, but this is my reality… If you really love me, you’ll leave. For your sake, for my sake, and for the children’s sake.”

His mouth opens, but there’s a pause as confusion gives way to realization. My meaning sinks in.

“My father isn’t going to leave survivors tonight,” I say. “Everyone who isn’t a ‘true believer’ will be slaughtered, just like the Nurturer. Even if Father dies, we can’t trust that Raven or Echo or someone won’t carry out his plan… Someone has to get them help.”

He looks off. I continue before he can find an argument.

“I need you to find Cinder at the Bastion. Let her loose before you leave. Then go with Angel. Call the police when you’re far enough away that it’s safe. Tell them the children are being poisoned and Aurelius is preparing a mass suicide.”

“Angel can go by himself.”

I shake my head. “He doesn’t know the forest like you do. We can’t trust that he’ll make it without being caught.”