Page 78 of Knot Broken

“On it.”

Being carried into the bathroom would be very romantic if my guts weren’t lurching, ejecting all the junk food I’d eaten into the toilet the moment I was set down on the floor in front of it. Over and over, my body convulsed, long past the point of being emptied.

“It’s OK,” Ethan murmured, holding my hair back and rubbing circles between my shoulder blades. “You’re OK.”

But I really wasn’t.

That same heavy feeling had my hand slapping down on the cistern, missing the flush button, then trying again and again before Ethan did the job for me. My legs tried to move to get me to my feet and quickly failed.

“What…?” I mumbled, head swaying. “What’s wrong with me?”

“You tried to shift in your sleep.” Ethan’s arms went around me again, helping me over to the bathroom sink. I cupped my hands under the water once I turned the tap on, glad to rinse my mouth out. I should’ve brushed my teeth, but that was apparently the extent of my abilities. Wavering on my feet, I blinked owlishly up at him. “Were partially successful.” He tried for a smile, but even I could see how fragile it was. “Your wolf has white fur.”

“I know.” I frowned slightly, then remembered my dream. “I think I saw her when I was sleeping.” Stretching out my arms, I turned them from side to side. “Though I’m assuming I didn’t actually manage to shift.”

“You don’t remember what happened?”

Ethan grew intent, stepping forward, which stirred something. A flicker of sorts, tiny snippets of different memories, rapidly edited together. Pain, so much pain, that had me hissing. My muscles jumping, my bones⁠—

“Not really,” I replied, pushing that aside. “Just that it hurt.” My eyes met his, looking for clues and why was that. “Badly, right?”

“If you can’t remember, that’s possibly a blessing in disguise,” Ethan said, his hands finding my arms to steady me. “If I thought I had exaggerated how shit this process is, seeing you before?” He shook his head. “Made clear I hadn’t.”

“So what did happen?” My arms wrapped around myself, the pressure somewhat comforting. “All I remember was going for a nap with Tex and then…” Those flickers started up again, growing more and more insistent. “I woke up and you were holding me.”

“Right, so, we think that when you were asleep, whatever is keeping the wolf down was set aside. She tried to make an appearance.” His grip tightened, then he let go of my arms and stepped backwards. “Not strong enough to make it all the way through the shift, you got…” He was struggling with this, that was obvious. Eyes everywhere as he began to move in aimless little circles. “Stuck. That’s the dangerous part. You need to use massive amounts of energy to shift, so it naturally only takes seconds. Latents struggle with that. In the past, people died trying to shift into their beast or back to human, because they didn’t have enough energy to maintain basic things like your heart beating.”

“Right.” Why did I suddenly feel so cold? My hands rubbed at my arms, trying to improve the circulation. “So then what happened?”

“Riley and Candy replied to the distress call. They assessed you, decided that you’d been stuck too long for them to let you continue trying to shift, and so they gave you some sedatives to knock you out.” It felt like his words echoed off the walls, getting louder and louder as each second ticked by. “The wolf was pushed back and you slept for a while.”

“And where were…” I didn’t want to say the words, but I had to. “Where were my so-called mates during all of this?”

The look he gave me was somewhat apologetic. For just a moment, he stared at me and I stared right back, making clear I needed an answer.

“Tex tried to talk you through it.” His voice sounded thin, insubstantial but that was perhaps because of the shrill whine building up inside my head. “Pretty sure he thought he could just manifest your wolf for you with a few upbeat phrases.”

I liked Ethan’s sardonic tone very much.

“And Grey… He didn’t want to go.”

“But he did,” I said. “He did, didn’t he? This attempted shift could’ve killed me.” I looked down to see the little pump was ticking again, pumping hormones into my body. “And he couldn’t even stick around to see if I lived or died.”

“Grey…” Ethan shook his head. “I should make excuses for him, but I can’t. He should’ve stayed. I do know one thing about the bloke. If he left, it was because he felt he had to. His control over his wolf is not great. It takes everything he’s got to keep a lid on his beast and I think he was worried about what he’d do if he didn’t.”

“Right.” My snort was an ugly sound. “This isn’t what happens in my books. Alphas don’t bail on their omegas.” That was the moment when I looked over Ethan with fresh eyes. “But you didn’t.” I finally dropped my hands. “Holding me as I slept. Pulling my hair back as I vomited.” With a slow shake of my head, I continued. “Seems like a lot for a friend to have to deal with.”

“Nadia—”

I hated that tone. The one men used when they wanted to head off your anger before you’d even had a chance to feel it.

“Is this something you do for all of your female friends?” My eyebrow rose slowly. “Or am I somehow special?”

He was doing so well, up until now. Calm, measured, he gave me all the facts I needed to work out what to do next.

Except for this.

His hands flexed, becoming fists, but when they relaxed, I saw fur, claws form. Someone else’s wolf was close to the surface. I felt her move inside me, what I assumed was my wolf. A small, almost furtive movement, but there if you knew where to look.