Page 35 of Maid for the Duke

He swallowed, momentarily distracted by the thought of a child with Amelie: a little boy or girl with her honey-coloured hair and green-grey eyes. He quickly pushed the thought away.

‘We shall take steps to try to prevent that from happening.’

‘There would still be a chance.’

‘If you fell pregnant I would provide for you and our child.’

She nodded, looking down at her hands. She was chewing on her lip, her eyes clouded and her expression distant.

‘It is a lot to think about,’ he said softly. He did not want to rush her. More than anything, he wanted her to agree, but he would not put any pressure on her. ‘You do not need to decide just now.’

‘Am I a fool to be considering it?’ she said eventually. ‘Everything I was taught as a young woman focussed around the importance of safeguarding one’s virtue.’ She gave a little laugh. ‘I have not fulfilled my obligations in that area, but as yet no one knows.’

‘And no one will ever know. I will never tell a soul, Amelie. I do not want to hurt you.’

She reached forward and took his hand, running her fingers over the skin below his knuckles.

‘I know. There is this misconception that the higher someone ranks in the peerage, the more self-centred, yet you are a duke and you are more generous than all the men I have known in the minor gentry. You are a good man.’

She fell silent, still holding his hand, her brow furrowed as she worked through in her mind the arguments for and against.

Amelie felt torn. Part of her wanted to shout out her acceptance of Will’s proposal and throw herself into his arms, but she had to be cautious. She had compromised herself, thrown away her virtue, although it was hard to regret their moment of intimacy. She was falling for Will and after all the unhappiness of the last couple of years she thought she deserved at least a little something for herself.

What worried her was where her feelings would stop. She didn’t like to examine too closely what it was she felt for the duke just now in case it scared her too much. There was certainly desire, a physical attraction, but alongside that was the blossoming of something more. His actions over the last couple of days had shown her his kindness and patience, and Amelie was worried the feeling that was building inside her might actually be love.

Love would be a disaster. In his straightforward way, Will had already made it clear that after the next three months there could be nothing more between them. His first thought was to his duty, and his duty was to marry someone suitable. The disgraced daughter of a man rotting in debtor’s prison was hardly a suitable wife for a duke. She would have to step quietly aside and watch him marry someone else.

Even now the idea made her feel desperate. The thought of having to say goodbye to Will, never seeing him again, was painful to the extreme. How much worse would it be after three more months? Yet what was the alternative—to pretend this moment of intimacy had never happened, to act distant for the next three months as though she felt nothing for him other than the mild respect every servant should feel for their employer? It would be impossible. Amelie did not know what would be worse—pushing him away now or being pushed away in three months.

Closing her eyes, she wondered what her mother would have done. Her mother had been sure of her opinions on every subject and would certainly have had something to say about Amelie’s current predicament. She’d believed deeply in true love, often telling Amelie stories of tragic lovers who had been cruelly separated only to fight with everything they had to be together. On the other hand her mother, Gisele Dubois, had been an aristocrat, regal in bearing and sure of her own worth. Amelie was not sure if her mother would have approved of her daughter allowing herself to settle for so little.

The thoughts were unhelpful. Amelie’s mother had faced her own challenges—fleeing the troubles in France, losing so many of her family to the guillotine or the terrible conditions of the French prisons, but she had not lived Amelie’s life. Only Amelie could make the decision.

She glanced up to see Will watching her carefully. Even now he was trying to be as fair as possible to her. It was clear what he wanted, but he was being very cautious, not pressing her for an answer, not trying to influence her decision. It made her want him even more.

The idea of walking arm in arm by the river, sitting and eating meals together, sharing his hopes and dreams for the book he was writing was exactly what she wanted. If he had offered only the physical side to the relationship, it would have been hard to resist, but not as alluring as this closeness, this companionship, alongside the intense desire they both felt.

She would have to be careful to ensure this liaison did not develop into anything too deep on her part. To enjoy the intimacy, the physical desire, even the companionship, would be acceptable, as long as she guarded her heart from feeling anything more. She would have to be careful not to fall for Will, but she was sensible and self-aware; surely she could trust herself to safeguard against deeper feelings?

‘I have a few conditions,’ she said, looking up at him and seeing the relief spread across his face.

‘Go ahead.’

‘We always behave respectably in public. There are eyes everywhere and everyone is connected. It may seem like Grantchester is far removed from London society, but there will be someone’s second cousin’s neighbour living just down the road…’

‘Agreed. I will keep my hands to myself in public. Anything else?’

‘You let me decide what happens at the end and you respect my decision.’

‘Of course. I will not interfere with your wishes. Anything else?’

She shook her head.

‘I have a condition of my own,’ he said, a smile on his lips.

‘Oh?’

‘You let me buy you a new dress.’