Page 56 of Maid for the Duke

‘They’ve been angels today, Miss Dubois,’ Mrs Reedman said, standing to greet her. ‘And we have started on a little arithmetic for little Miss Marie. Her mind is far too sharp to be sitting idle.’

‘You are too good to us, Mrs Reedman,’ Amelie said, watching as her elderly neighbour gathered her things and bade farewell to the children.

Marie and Harriet were pleased to see Will, but it was Charles who was most ecstatic. He insisted on showing Will every one of his soldiers, lining them up for inspection. Only once Will had commented on each could Amelie persuade her little brother to play with his sisters.

‘You look well, Amelie. I am pleased.’

She had begun to feel like her normal self again these past few days. The heartbreak was still there, still raw and visceral, but she had regained a little of her vitality, her joy for life. She refused to wallow in her sadness. She had been in much worse positions that this—she would appreciate what she had rather than dwell on what she did not.

‘What are you doing here?’ She repeated the question she had asked him a few minutes earlier. She had thought she would never see him again. There was no need for their paths ever to have crossed again. As far as she was concerned, he would live his life as he always had, socialising, attending parliament in London and spending time visiting his country estates. They were worlds she would never have need to enter. Amelie hoped never to live in London again, not after she had seen the terrible conditions in the slums, and she knew where his country estates were situated and would do her utmost to keep well clear.

‘I needed to see you, Amelie. I needed to apologise. Since we were last together, I have been unable to sleep, unable to eat. I have been plagued by memories of the terrible way I treated you. I had to find you.’

She pressed her lips together. He had treated her horribly. Every time she went to sleep at night, the words he’d spoken with such coldness reverberated around her head, ruining the memories of the happy times they’d had together.

‘A lot was said and a lot was done. There is no point dwelling on it.’

She could not bring herself to look at him. Amelie was surprised by his appearance in Berkhall. She didn’t know why he was here. Their break had been traumatic, but at least it had given them both the opportunity of a fresh start.

They were sitting side by side on a wooden bench, looking out over the little garden. Both their voices were hushed, conscious as they were of the children playing nearby. Amelie did not want them to hear how Will had judged her, considered her for his duchess but found her wanting.

He turned to her so their knees were almost touching.

‘I am sorry, Amelie. I behaved terribly. I am sorry for what I said and I am sorry for how I acted.’

Amelie inhaled deeply and then nodded. Perhaps his turning up here and the apology was a good thing. It might take away the power of the words; it might help her to stop dwelling on what he had said. Now she would be able to move on with her life without the past pulling her back.

‘Thank you for the apology,’ she said. ‘You’re right, it does matter.’

‘It does, Amelie, not least because none of it was true. I was caught up in this awful idea that things had to be done in a certain way to have any true value. I was so obsessed by my idea of my duty that I disregarded what was truly important. You would make a wonderful duchess. The traits that have always been important shine through in you. You are generous and kind, always thinking of others before yourself. You also know the importance of right and wrong and will not stand by whilst an injustice is committed. These things are important, not how much money you have or whether your family have been embroiled in scandal.’

Amelie sighed. ‘I suppose both are important. I do understand that a duchess is more than just your wife. You are not choosing someone solely for you, you are choosing the best advocate for the people who rely on you, and the best person to raise the next duke.’

His eyes searched hers. ‘Yes, you are right. And that responsibility, like so many others, has always weighed heavily on me. I should have seen how perfect you were, Amelie, not dismissed you.’ He reached out and took her hand and Amelie felt the heat of his skin on hers. It was impossible not to react to him, not to think of how he had touched her a few weeks earlier. ‘Most of all, I am sorry I let you tell me you loved me and didn’t react wholly and entirely positively. To have your love…that would be the greatest gift in the world.’

Amelie shifted. She had thought he was here from some sense of guilt. Will was a good man, even if their parting had not been on the best terms. He would have felt concern for her, a need to satisfy himself that she was going to survive. There were the children to think about too, the family that he had helped to rescue from Mrs Creedy and for whom he would feel some responsibility. Yet she wondered if there was more than that. His apologies so far were sincere and heartfelt, and she did believe them, but now he was talking about love. Surely he could not think they could ever share anything again?

‘I love you too, Amelie. I confess I was not brave enough to say it earlier, but I have felt this way for some time. Your sweetness and care pierced through the protective shell I had built around myself and banished the loneliness I had felt for so long. I will forever be grateful of that. I love your goodness, your humour, your generosity, your protectiveness. When I am with you, I want to strive to be better, to be more like you.’

Amelie felt the words pulse and swell inside her. When she had told him she loved him and received no words of love in return it was as if he had cut her heart in two. Now he was here, saying he loved her, telling her he’d loved her all along.

‘I made so many mistakes these last few months, but not telling you how much I love you, how much you mean to me, was the biggest.’ He paused and took a ragged breath in. ‘I love you, Amelie, and I want to spend my life with you.’

‘We cannot,’ she said quickly. She did not want to get her hopes up only to have them dashed when he proposed some scheme to set her up as his mistress somewhere, hidden from the world.

‘I understand your reluctance; I deserve that, but please at least hear what I have to say.’

She gave a short, sharp nod, allowing him to continue. Her whole body was tense, her jaw aching from being held clenched. Will had told her he loved her, that he wanted to spend his life with her, yet she could not allow him back close to her heart—he had almost destroyed it last time.

‘I want to marry you, Amelie. I want to stand in a church and say my vows for all the world to hear. I want it to be a grand public occasion so everyone can see the woman I have chosen for my duchess.’

‘You cannot marry me…’

‘I can. I am unfettered. I have no legal ties to anyone else. I can marry whoever I wish, and my wish is to marry you.’

‘People would gossip.’

‘Let them. Let them gossip and judge. They may doubt us for the first year or even two, but when they see what strength you bring, what kindness, slowly people will forget the things they thought held you apart. And if they don’t? We will have each other.’