Page 89 of True Colors

I try to relax, not let her get to me. “That’s called being a decent manager.”

“It’s called being involved,” Erin counters, standing her ground. “I was worried you’d be thinking too much with your dick to⁠—"

I stand. “Careful.”

She barks out a laugh with no humor in it. “Admit it, you almost gave in and let her present, and why was that but for the fact that you’re sleeping with her?”

She’s right. If I weren’t involved with Anouk, this decision would be simpler, faster. Knowing her—wanting her, caring for her, loving her—has made everything messier. It’s making me hesitate. And right now, that hesitation is weakness.

I swallow my anger both at Erin and myself.

“I know the importance of this presentation. And the board is going to grade me on it, not you, not Vijay, not Anouk.”

She chuckles. “Well, kudos to not letting your libido blur your judgment.”

“My judgment is that Anouk is damn good at what she does.”

“She’s one of the best analysts out there,” Erin agrees, surprising me. “That’s not the same thing as being the best presenter.”

I know who Anouk is and who she isn’t. I don’t need Erin narrating her to me. In fact, I’d prefer it if she never said Anouk’s name again.

The way Erin talks about her—and now the way she talks about us—is disrespectful. She thinks this is just sex. A fling. Something temporary and disposable.

But I don’t do flings.

This isn’t that.

I’m in love with Anouk.

And I know she has deep feelings for me, too. If she didn’t, she would never have let me in. Anouk doesn’t open herself easily. A woman who has gone her entire adult life without intimacy—who built walls tougher than the ones around Alcatraz—doesn’t let someone cross them without trust.

“She struggles to communicate under pressure, Erin, that’s not a moral failing,” I snarl.

“No, it isn’t, but she is a risk to your career.” Erin is relentless when she’s after something. It was a quality I admired, but not right now when she’s dismissing the woman I love; I despise it.

“Tell me, Luther, that you know she’s a risk to your career,” Erin insists.

To avoid showing how hard this is for me, I walk up to the windows. I tuck my hands in the pockets of my jeans and look out at the city spread before me.

“Luther?” she calls out.

“Yes.” The word is a bullet. “I know. I know she’s going to fuck things up for me at the board meeting. Is that what you want to hear?”

“No, it’s what you need to hear,” she says softly, and then, after a pause, asks, “Have you told her?”

No. Not yet. I haven’t been able to, especially since she’s been so excited about presenting, working so hard to do it right. But she won’t ever be able to do it as well as I need her to. It’s just the way it is.

“I have a one-on-one with her.” In about fifteen minutes.

She gives me a reassuring smile. “You’re doing the right thing, Luther. Leadership means making hard calls. It means protecting the company and yourself.”

I am also protecting Anouk, I tell myself, but it sounds like a massive rationalization.

“I will also let the rest of the team know,” I murmur, still not looking at her.

I know that I’m painting Erin as the villain of this story, but she’s only holding up a mirror, showing me when I’m a good leader and when I’m not. I’ve been handling Anouk with kid gloves because we’re dating. Anyone else wouldn’t have stayed on the agenda as long as she did.

“She’ll be disappointed,” Erin continues softly. “But she’ll recover. This is just business.”