Page 69 of Driving Beats

She scrambles to a sitting position. “You mean, you don’t have sex.” At my nod, she continues, “It’s only sex. No biggie.”

“It may not be to you, but it is to me. I can’t—won’t—do this again.”

“Are we back to this nonsense? You’re not a failure because your wife cheated.” She takes a deep breath. “Any more than I’m a failure because I had an accident and hurt my ankle.”

“Those are two very different things. And this is not about Lillian.” I suck in a breath. “It’s that sex means something to me. A lot.” I need to get away from her. Stat. “Because you’re still laid up, I’m going to take a day pass at tomorrow’s meditation retreat. Feel better.” Resisting the urge to kiss her one last time, I scoop up my clothes and rush through my house, naked.

In my bedroom, I throw everything into the hamper and turn on the shower. The water glides over my body, sliding off my cock where Nese performed the best gig known to mankind. Which could be the problem.

Of course, my cock enlarges under my hand, until it’s hard. I stroke it, pretending it’s Nese’s mouth once again, working me over. My legs widen as I tug harder and harder, until I come for the second time on the shower floor. Heart racing, I wish things between us could be different. However, if Buddhism has taught me anything, it’s that you can’t fight reality. You simply accept it. Which is what I’ve done, even if Nese doesn’t understand.

The next morning, I do as I told her I would and secure a day pass at the meditation retreat. Everyone is happy to see me again, and the guided meditation is excellent. Rather, it would be if I could keep focused. A certain stylist keeps distracting me.

I have to cut my losses and let her leave. I have more than enough clothes. No need to monopolize her entire vacation.

With this resolution made, I approach the checkout desk. “I probably won’t be here tomorrow, but I plan on attending the final week of the retreat.”

“Sounds good. We look forward to seeing you then.”

I drive to my house, where I find Nese sunbathing by the pool—thankfully wearing a bathing suit. She nudges me with her uninjured foot. “Hey there.”

“Hi.”

“Was the retreat everything you remembered it to be? Did the meditation clear your mind? Were the Masters Ten good for you?”

I do appreciate her questions, even if I’m perfectly aware she has no interest whatsoever in my responses. “I enjoyed the day very much. Centered me, like I needed.”

“Centered. I guess that’s good.”

“It is. I realized, through their expert guided meditation, that I need to stop hogging all your time. You still have more than a week left of UC’s break, and you should be enjoying it. Your work here with me is basically done.”

“I did receive a package while you were out. I ordered you some belts I want you to try on with your jeans and trousers.”

I wave. “Fine. Thanks.”

“You still need a few more items.”

“Whatever I need, I can pick up while we’re on tour. I have more than ample clothes now to carry me for a few months. Probably have more than I ever had, truth be told.”

She looks at me with her dark blue eyes, made even darker by the color of the water in the pool. “Are you certain you want me to leave?” She bats her eyelashes. “We make a good pair.” Limping slightly, she bridges the distance between us and her arms encircle my neck.

“Nese.” I clamp my fingers around her wrists. “I thought I was clear last night. There is no us. You and I are not going to happen again.”

Her cell announces a text, which she ignores. She wriggles closer and kisses my cheek. “I thought I was clear last night too. We’re amazing together. Why deprive ourselves?”

I stand. “Nese, this is for the best.”

“Fine.” She steps backward, and her chin lifts. “No matter what, I won’t shirk my duties as your stylist. Luke gave me a job to do, and I intend on finishing it.” She points to her room. “Let me get your belts.”

Nese limps into the house. Did I misconstrue her overtures? I replay what just happened, and decide I was correct the first time. Yet, something definitely shifted.

Nese returns holding several belts, which she presents to me. “I like this one and that one the best,” she points to two of them. “I need you to let me know what you think.”

“They’re all black, which was my only requirement before you,” I try to joke. She lifts one cheek halfway. Returning my attention to the belts she ordered, I give each its due. “I agree with you. These two are the best. However, this one is cool too.” I hold up a third.

“Awesome.” She bestows one of her brilliant smiles on me. “I’ll return these two and you can add the keepers to your closet.”

“Thanks. I will.”