Page 84 of Driving Beats

“Sure.” This seems promising. We make our way over to the makeshift dancefloor by the jukebox and raise our arms in the air to the lyrics of “Hurts Good.”

Next, a slow song by Hunte plays. He takes me in his arms and we sway in time to the beat. In my ear, he murmurs, “This is nice.”

It is.

Pasted against his front, his body feels good. I lean back and gaze into his hazel eyes. Oh hell no! Between the hair and the eyes, it’s like I can’t get away from Coop! It doesn’t matter that Jenna called him “mopey.” I can’t get it on with a guy who shares way too many of the same characteristics with the damn guitarist.

When the song ends, I excuse myself for the restroom, snagging Alexis when I pass her.

“Looks like you’re having fun,” she notes.

If only he didn’t look too much like a certain guitarist. “Yeah, it’s not going to work out though.”

One eyebrow quirks. “Why? He seems like a good time.”

“I know. He is a nice guy.” I sigh. “I’m just not into him. How about you hang with him? He seems more your type.”

She adds more lip gloss. “Only if you’re really not interested. Not breaking the roommate code, even if you’ve been away for a year.”

“Thanks.” I hug her. “Go ahead. I’m going to slip out.” She gives me a nod, and I leave via the back entry.

So much for a big night out.

23

COOP

Ichoose a different spot at the retreat than yesterday, in between a couple of dudes. I’m not going to be distracted today. Focus is the name of the game.

The Master enters the room and bows to the group, before assuming his starting position. He instructs us to close our eyes and clear our mind. The first is easy to do. The second requires me to kick more things out than usual. Lillian’s the first to go. Admittedly, it’s becoming easier to oust her. Like a flick of my finger.

In fact, my ex-wife has been laughing at me on the sidelines rather than taking an active part in my practice for the past three weeks. This is because a new woman has replaced her. A short stylist with a pixie haircut and an eyebrow piercing. Lillian motions toward Nese with a knowing smile on her face as if mocking me for letting her leave.

I sigh and reposition myself. This is for the best, I remind myself. Nese deserves to be with someone as outgoing and vibrant and full of life as she is. Or, at least, not someone like me.

The Master admonishes everyone to focus on one point of positivity. Something that brings joy.

Of course, Nese pushes her way to the foreground of my mind and I shove her away like I used to have to do to Lillian. A vision of UC performing in front of thousands replaces her. Bennett’s riling up the crowd. Río tosses his drumsticks high in the air. 007’s rockin’ the bass while Tris stands behind his keys. I’m off to the side, wailing on my guitar, the place I find true joy.

Picturing it in my mind, I glance behind the curtains and Nese is at the ready with my towel. Like she always is after we finish a set and before we head back out for our encore. She’s there for a purpose, not to mock me. Good.

The Master guides us to embrace the joy.

I join my bandmates at the front and we wave, then we rush backstage to do a quick shirt change—all except Río since he’s not wearing one. Jenna assists Bennett while Hayden’s there for our drummer. Nese hands towels to everyone else, then turns to face me.

She rubs the towel against my now naked torso, catching all the stage sweat. Then her attention turns into something more … erotic. She changes to creating circles. Kissing my tiny nipples. On the pillow, I shift my hips to maintain proper posture.

Thankfully, the Master chooses this moment to move onto a different meditation. He talks about how we chose to come to the retreat today and are here to deepen our practice. How we all have agency over our own choices.

In my mind’s eye, Nese protests. “Except me.”

The Master focuses us on the fact that true agency in decision-making comes not from the ego’s desire to control outcomes, but from being fully present, centered, and acting in alignment with reality as it unfolds.

My mind ceases to maintain its meditative posture. Did I allow Nese to have full agency when I practically kicked her out of LA? Did my own ego seek to control the outcome because I was scared of allowing her into my life?

Or how attached to her…

The Master continues, but I cannot release this new revelation. Did I ignore her needs? In no uncertain terms, she told me how much she despised being controlled—did I give her any choice but to return to Georgia?