Page 114 of Finding Forever

“I think I do.”

“No.” She stood, unable to remain seated. “You think I’ll work through this and then everything will go back to the way it was.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you’re hoping it will.”

Dave’s jaw tightened.

Beth wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for another relationship.”

His expression changed, and she saw how much those words hurt him.

For one awful moment, she wanted to take everything back. Instead, Beth made herself continue. “I might never be able to give you what you deserve.”

“Don’t do that.”

She frowned. “Do what?”

“Decide what I deserve.”

His voice wasn’t angry, but there was enough force behind the words to silence her.

Dave took a step toward her, then stopped. “I loved Carol. I still love her.”

Beth stared at him.

Dave slipped his hands into his pockets. “I remember how she took her coffee. Songs come on the radio and I can hear her singing beside me.” A faint smile touched his face. “Badly, most of the time.”

Despite everything, a tiny laugh caught in Beth’s throat.

Dave’s smile faded.

“Sometimes Mark says something and, for half a second, I think I need to tell Carol. Then I remember I can’t.”

Beth’s eyes filled with tears.

“She’s still part of my life,” Dave continued. “She always will be. Nothing changes that.” He took another small step toward Beth. “And nothing will change what Jessie meant to you.”

Beth shook her head. “It doesn’t feel that simple.”

“I know.”

“You can’t know what this feels like, Dave.”

He held her gaze for a long moment. “Beth, I think I’m one of the few people who can.”

The gentleness in his voice was worse than anger would have been. Beth covered her face. She heard Dave move, and for one hopeful, terrible second, she thought he might come to her.

He didn’t. Even now, he was respecting what she’d asked for.

Beth slowly lowered her hands. “I need to figure this out without you.”

Something in Dave’s face changed. This time, she saw the full weight of what she was asking of him. Not anger or resentment.

Pain.

Dave looked down for a moment before nodding. “All right.”