Page 38 of Sweet on Mr Darcy

Lady Catherine folded her hands in triumph. “The fortuitous arrival of a boy-child is at best, improbable, and at worst, a criminal act. I cannot be the only one to have wondered if irregularities have occurred. I have friends in positions of authority. My own brother is an earl. I shall have the matter looked into myself.”

“Irregularities?” Elizabeth repeated, eyes blazing.

“Enough, Catherine.” Darcy Senior looked exhausted by his sister-in-law. “This is highly improper.”

“Mr Bennet has established a pattern of daughters which cannot be argued with. Is it likely that he legitimately produced a son?” Lady Catherine insisted. “After so many female births, one must begin to question statistical improprieties.”

Elizabeth was about to lose her temper entirely when the scene was saved by Darcy’s father, who finally lost his composure and began laughing uncontrollably.

“Statistical improprieties!” He shouted, pounding upon the arm of his armchair in hysterical laughter. “If anyone gave a damn about statistical improprieties, the entire nobility would have collapsed more than a hundred years ago!”

Priscilla joined him, followed by Lady Barry, and even Darcy, who was holding onto the wall by the window, ready to collapse in humour.

“I think you have finally rendered yourself as ridiculous as you shall ever be, Cathy!” Lady Barry’s eyes streamed with tears. “Sons are always known for their strategic timing!”

This produced another round of hilarity from the room. Georgiana appeared too terrified to join in, but even Elizabeth, as offended as she was, began to giggle.

Lady Catherine stood, furious. “I will not remain for the amusement of the room!”

Lady Barry nodded and waved her away as she collected herself. “At last, a practical notion. The first you have had all day, I warrant. You may be dismissed, Cathy.”

The door slammed behind Lady Catherine hard enough to dislodge a decorative vase from the mantel, which smashed on the floor.

“Oh dear…do not mind the vase. It was a wedding present from Cathy. Anne always despised the ugly thing, but we had to keep it somewhere it could be seen occasionally.” Darcy’s father rose. “I will leave you all. I believe I shall rest before the theatre. I had forgotten how very refreshing and useful you can be, Lady Barry.”

“I am unsurprised, men can never remember anything unless there is a string tied to their finger to remind them.” Lady Barry stood as well. “I am told there has lately been a daily adventure to the confectioners that was cancelled today. We cannot have that. The young ladies must not be disappointed, and I must have my share of the amusement. Get your bonnets, Miss Darcy, Reggie’s girl. And you too, Cathy’s girl. You look as if you are in more need of improvement and sugar than your cousin here, the dreadful boy, but we shall see what we can do with you. Ladies only today. No men!”

Darcy’s face fell.

Lady Barry thumped her cane in amusement. “Would I be so cruel to Anne’s boy? Where would we be without a handsome escort? But you must saddle your horse with haste, my carriage will be quite full.”

When Anne de Bourgh returned to Darcy Cottage after her outing, she bore a tin of candied ginger with a note for her mother.

You always preferred candied ginger. Never say that I am cruel, Cathy.

Lady B

Chapter Seventeen

The theatre in Ramsgate was as full as it could be that night. The irresistible public spectacle of seeing three prominent parties attempt to occupy adjoining boxes without bloodshed was nearly as entertaining as the play, which was The Lady of the Lake: A Melodramatic Romance in Three Acts.

Lady Barry had kept a box since moving to Ramsgate, and going to the theatre was one of her few enjoyments, even if she always went alone. Her servant ensured that her box was never disturbed by visitors.

The Darcys had secured the box on the left of hers, and Mr Bingley hired the box on the right for the duration of the summer. By prior arrangement, the wall panels between all three boxes had been removed, producing a rather sprawling arrangement of velvet-covered chairs, opera glasses, ladies’ reticules, and altogether too many opinions.

Upon Lady Barry’s arrival, Lady Catherine appeared as if she had been personally betrayed by her appearance.

“You are here.” Lady Catherine deflated in disappointment.

“Yet again, dear Cathy.” Lady Barry searched her reticule for her opera glasses.

Lady Catherine glared at her. “This is intolerable.”

Lady Barry settled into her chair with satisfaction. “Then we begin auspiciously.”

The company arranged itself with varying degrees of strategic intent. Georgiana was seated happily beside Kitty and Mary, all three equipped with opera glasses and a shared appetite for judging fashion and finery. Lydia and Mrs Hurst were immediately but separately engrossed in evaluating every hair piece in the pit. Mary had procured the libretto and was perusing Act I.

Mr Bennet, beside Charlotte, was resolved to be entertained regardless of artistic merit of the production, and insisted that while the theatre was not a favourite activity of his, he would keep an open mind.