Page 228 of Wait for Him

"Take a breath, baby. You're spiraling," Jackson says in my ear.

I barely hear him.

Did he just...

Did he just call me Ma?

I stare at James with my mouth open.

He called me Ma.

James walks over and pulls me into a hug. "This is the best thing anybody's ever given me. And I don't mean the room or the stuff, even though the room fucking slaps."

I smack his shoulder.

"Ow!"

"No F-bombs."

"You didn't even give me time to correct it!"

"I know your tricks now."

He laughs and hugs me tighter. "I can't wait to hang out here with you and Jackson." Then he leans toward my ear. "Hey, by the way."

"This kid," Jackson says softly through the AirPod.

I pull back enough to look at James. "You called me Ma."

"Yeah."

Just yeah.

Meanwhile, I am experiencing organ failure.

He takes both of my hands. "Is that okay? I've been work-shopping some names. Thought I'd take that one for a spin. What do you think?"

"Breathe, baby," Jackson reminds me.

"I am breathing," I snap at the man who isn't even in the room, then hiccup hard enough to undermine my entire argument.

James starts laughing.

"I, uh..." Another fucking hiccup. Fantastic. "You can call me whatever you want. I love Ma. I really love Ma. But don't ever feel like you have to call me anything other than Rose, okay? I promise it doesn't bother me."

"I know. But it bothers me." He taps his palm against his chest. "In here. You're more than Rose to me."

Well, there goes whatever resolve I had left.

"You have no idea how much respect I have for you," he continues. "I love Mom and Dad. They're my parents, and they've given me everything. That's never going to change. But you gave me to them because you knew they could give me what you couldn't then. And you still stayed close enough to watch me grow up." He shrugs, suddenly looking a little embarrassed by his own sincerity. "I don't know. Calling you Rose just doesn't feel like enough anymore."

Jackson sniffles directly into my ear.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

"Are you crying?" I ask him.

"No."