Page 37 of Bad Decisions

“W-what are we doing here?” The question sticks in my throat and comes out wobbly.

He looks up and swallows, his Adam’s apple sliding up and down. “I want to try again.”

Part of me wants to instantly agree and jump back into the fledgling relationship that we started all those months ago. But there are other parts that want to run and hide. The side of me that has always been protective of my heart is screaming at me to forget him. Our lives are too different. It could never work.

Chapter twenty

Will

Ocean-blue eyes stare back at me. Her sharp gasp has nowhere to hide in the silence that falls between us. It’s not the reaction I wanted, but it’s also not unexpected.

With a shake of her head and stiffening of her spine, she recovers her composure enough to speak. “How do you see this time being any different?”

“I don’t know for sure that it is. But I have to try because what we had was special. It just wasn’t the right time for us.” She nods her agreement, and it fills me with hope. “You were dealing with the loss of your father. While I was trying to create a new life outside the military. Both of us needed to find a new path individually before we could walk one together.”

“But you live in DC, and I live here. And you’ve already admitted that your work is unpredictable. That’s a heck of an obstacle to overcome if we were to try again but differently.”

The valid issues she raises are tossed at me, and they land like body blows. I knew convincing her wouldn’t be easy, but I figured we could work these things out together over time. But as she continues to stare at me with narrowed eyes full of cynicism, I need to provide some options.

The last six to eight months have been tough, and I don’t regret my decision to leave the military or to join my friends’ business. Duty and service are important to me fundamentally, but so is the special woman in front of me. For the first time it slams into me, I’d give it all up to be with Jewel. But maybe I wouldn’t have to. I’m in charge of my destiny; that was the point to my retiring from the Army.

“I could move permanently to Brooklyn, not for just a month.”

A soft gasp slips from between her open lips before she can hide her surprise. “What about your job in DC?”

“I could work from here. I’d still have to travel, but when I’m not, we could be together.” I flatten my palms on the table. This is where I need to lay it all on the line. “I want to be with you.”

A shadow turns her gaze darker, and the message is clear even before she speaks. “I can’t lose another person.”

It takes me a moment to realize what she means.

Fuck. This is about her father’s sudden death, and her thinking the same might happen to me.

The loss of her father weighs heavily in her heart, and with my dangerous work I’m the risk she’s not prepared to take. My heart sinks to my boots. But I’m not going to give up fighting for her this time.

“You won’t lose me.”

“How can you say that? Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring.” Again, she’s measuring me against her father.

“Jewel, I …”

She jumps up from the table. “No. Don’t say it. Please don’t say anything more, it will just make it harder.”

I rise just as quickly, bringing us close with the table no longer separating us. Her arm brushes against mine, her perfume wrapping itself around me, burrowing back into my heart. Though I’m sure it never truly left me.

My hand rises to her cheek; soft, silky strands of hair flow over my skin, and I know this can’t be the last time I touch her.

She takes one step back, breaking the connection. I feel the loss in my bones.

“I have to go. I can’t think when I’m with you.” She throws her bag over her shoulder. “There are so many thoughts colliding in my head, I need time to sort them all out.” Her hair falls in a silky curtain across her face, obscuring her expression from me. But she can’t hide the distress in her voice.

“I understand,” I mutter, though I don’t really. She’s clearly upset, and I don’t want her to leave. If only I could hold her, my skin prickling with the need to do it.

Pulling on her jacket, she continues to avoid my gaze. “Goodbye, Will. I’ll ask Susannah to reschedule your next appointment with Tom, another physiotherapist. There needs to be a line between this and your recovery.”

The pain of her rejection nearly brings me to my knees, and I brace an arm against the table to hold steady and stop myself from chasing after her. Not that I’m physically capable of doing any chasing.

I gave her my word. If you don’t ever want to see me again, I’ll leave. It’s all up to her now to decide whether there can ever be an us.