Page 39 of Bad Decisions

That’s the problem, I don’t know. If I’m going to be with Will, I need to be clear about what that means. And if I’m going to walk away, I need to know that one, six, or twelve months down the line, I won’t regret my decision. Cara is still waiting for my response.

“I’m not sure. But I need to seriously consider everything first. Tonight, I’m going to work it out in my head, then I’ll go see him tomorrow.”

“Aren’t you going on a second date with Henry tonight?” Cara asks.

“Oh my God … I forgot.” My hand covers my open mouth, stifling a groan.

Was it really only ten days ago that I reluctantly agreed to that date?

It completely slipped my mind, usurped by a torrent of emotions over Will’s return.

What a mess.

“I’m such a bitch,” I burst out so loudly that Cara jumps back. “I’m going on a date with one man while I’m in love with another.”

Both of us sit stunned with our jaws hinged open and eyes nearly popping out of our heads. I slap a hand over my mouth before any more truths fly out. It’s impossible to know who’s more surprised by the revelation, me or my friend.

“I’ve no idea where that came from.” The words are muffled through my fingers.

“It sounds like you might have already made your choice with Will.”

“No, I haven’t. That’s my heart, not my head saying that. I need to reconcile those internal voices before I make a decision.” Again, thoughts of Will stepping into danger ping around in my head. “But what I do know with absolute certainty is that Henry isn’t the man for me.”

Settling for the safe option will never be the right choice for me. And beside Will, Henry fades into the background. I fold my arms onto my desk and drop my head onto them.

“Should I go on the date with Henry to let him down? Or cancel?” Indecision knots my stomach. I didn’t want this date in the first place, and I want it even less now. But Henry doesn’t deserve to be caught up in this mess.

“Go on the date with Henry.”

That’s not what I expected her to say. I sit up straight and stare at my friend for a moment. “Really? You think I should.”

“Yes. If nothing else, it might bring you clarity. Do you want to continue dating people like Henry, the quiet, safe options, or Will, the wildcard who lights you up like you’re a Christmas tree?”

“I just don’t want to get hurt again. You know what a mess I was when Will disappeared. What if next time he doesn’t come back when I expect him? I’ll now be imagining he’s lying hurt somewhere. Or worse.” A shuddering sigh slips out of my mouth.

She leans forward, placing a hand on each of my arms, and gives me a little shake. “You, my friend, are stronger than you think.” She releases her hold and then stands.

She spins on her sneaker and strolls to the door. “Call me tomorrow morning and tell me how it goes.”

Cara is being overly optimistic about my ability to make a decision about Will and me that quickly. But I appreciate her confidence.

Chapter twenty-two

Will

“The beach house is free if you need it,” Blake offers, and I appreciate it more than he can imagine.

Unfortunately, now isn’t the right time for me to take him up on the invitation. Besides, the walls of that house carry all the memories of the woman I’d be trying to forget. Whispers of a future. Whimpers of nights shared, our bodies entwined. Everything that may be further out of reach after meeting Jewel today.

She wants time, and I’ve got a lifetime of it to give her. But when she no longer wants to treat me, it’s impossible to imagine that any length of time I give her will be in my favor. A kernel of fear, far greater than anything I experienced on a mission, takes root in my heart, sending a chill through my bones. A life without Jewel would be an emotional wasteland that I don’t think I could come back from.

But whatever way the scales tip, I can’t regret what we were in those precious though brief days together. The only regret was the bad decision to let her go in the first place. Jewel came into my life unexpectedly, and with the effect of a Category 5 hurricane. Ripping through all the plans I’d made for my future and tossing them into disarray. Sure, I’d made promises to my friends that I couldn’t break, not even for her. But I could have tried harder to see her when I returned from South America.

“Hey, did you even hear me?” Blake asks, giving my shoulder a nudge.

I crawl out of my pit of despair, leaving my somber mood behind and turning to face my friend and former teammate. “Thanks for the offer, but unfortunately, I can’t leave the city right now with my treatment.”

A frown pulls his brows low. “That’s what I don’t get. Why are you here in Brooklyn getting treatment?”