Page 21 of The Amber Sunburst

He’s the only one here who knows it—except for Arete, of course. Eudoxia doesn’t trust anyone else.

She wants to keep her angry facade but Zeno crushes all of her walls with the tiniest smile. It’s a weakness, she knows, but there’s nothing to be done. Trust her, she’s tried.

She rolls onto her side so she’s facing him.

“Are you okay?” he asks, concern in his eyes but a slight smile still on his lips. “You seem a little… I don’t know. Distracted?”

“It’s just the usual stuff. Arete’s going stir-crazy in my room,” she says with a sigh, remembering this morning when Arete did cartwheels until she skinned her knee and then broke down crying, begging to leave the Academy just for a bit.

“Poor kid,” Zeno says. Then, turning onto his back, “I’ve been trying to figure out ways to get her some time away, but I don’t know how we’d do it without someone finding her. It’s just not safe.”

“Try explaining that to her,” she responds. “Maybe I’ve done the wrong thing bringing her with me.”

Zeno’s brows are scolding, and Eudoxia knows exactly what he’s going to say. “You know that’s not true.”

It’s the millionth time they’ve had this conversation; whenever Arete shows signs of discomfort, Eudoxia falls into a spiral of self-doubt and resentment. And then the resentment turns to guilt because she doesn’t want to be angry with Arete at all. She just wants some of this weight off her shoulders.

“I wish it wasn’t all up to me.”

“But it’s not,” Zeno says, smiling. “It’s up to us. You and me.”

Sometimes, Eudoxia wishes that Zeno wasn’t the way that he is. Too generous, too kind, too loyal.

More of the time, she’s desperate to ask why his kindness is so often directed at her. She who is rotting slowly and whose touch would surely corrupt anyone who tried to reach out, to offer love.

And those she loves? They’re even worse off. She loves like a lightning storm that strikes true every time. When you least expect it, it takes you down.

If that happened to Zeno, she would never forgive herself.

Not that she loves Zeno, obviously. Because she doesn’t.

Obviously.

“Right,” she replies, wishing she could say more. “You and me.”

Zeno’s perpetual smile brightens so much it could be the sun itself. “Always.”

He’s going to blind her one of these days.

“Let’s talk about you now,” she prompts. Zeno needs his private room nearly as much as she does.

He drops his hands over his face. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I mean, Alexander seems like an awesome guy. Really, I think we’re gonna be good friends. But… well, you know.”

It’s not the roommate itself, not for Zeno. It’s the repercussions of having someone to tell on you if they find something amiss.

Still, she likes Alexander.

He’s very… charismatic. Enough that, though she may enjoy his company, she doesn’t trust him.

His charm will do him well at the Academy, though. No doubt, he’ll break some hearts.

Not that she cares that Alexander is hot. She doesn’t want anyone like that here.

Not even dark skin and brown eyes and the kind of bond she never thought she’d get to find⁠—

“You can always use my room when you need a space to yourself,” she offers.

She really just needs to stop talking. And thinking. And looking at the person who makes her forget that she needs to stop talking and thinking.