Page 77 of The Amber Sunburst

“Well, whatever I am, it’s up to you to fix it.”

Kallias’ expression turns determined and earnest. “Yeah, okay. How do I do that?”

“Maybe just… stick around,” he says, more vulnerable than he intends. “I like who I am when I’m with you.”

For a long moment Kallias doesn’t respond. For that same moment Alexander holds his breath. Maybe he’s finally pushed too far; fallen too deep in whatever it is he feels for Kallias and allowed it to slip out through unmanned cracks. Alexander is so many things for so many people that he might as well be nothing at all, but with Kallias he finally has somewhere to breathe and just…be.

“I like who you are too.”

He’s never wondered what it sounds like when blue-green ocean and pitch-black night finally find each other on the horizon, but now he’ll never have to. It’s the gentle, twinkling bells of a porch windchime. It’s the violent, glorious crash of a hurricane battering against the shore.

His world half-tilts on its axis.

“So, your brother,” Kallias finally says. He breaks the silence and the tension, but not what was formed during it. “His name is Cain. Like, the biblical brother-killer?”

Alexander barks a laugh. “Yeah, ironic, huh? The universe was setting us up to fail. My mom chose his name, my dad chose mine. I think my dad tried to pick something both Greek and Latin as a form of rebellion. My mom must have loved the opportunity to make it something grim. It ended up being truer than she could have dreamed,” he jokes.

Kallias smiles at that and, oh, doesn’t that make it all worth it.

“So, you’ll really come with me?” Alexander asks as he stands.

Kallias tilts his head and sighs. “Yeah, I think I will.”

“Oh, thank God.” He collapses involuntarily into Kallias, grabbing his hair and pulling him in by the waist. Kallias immediately stiffens under his touch and he realizes he definitely should have asked first. Touch is such a natural form of affection for him, he forgets that not everyone is that way.

Just as he begins to pull back and apologize, Kallias’ arms wrap around him and he buries his face in Alexander’s shoulder.

“You’re freezing,” Alexander whispers because it’s actually worrying how cold Kallias’ skin is. Which reminds him that he’s touching Kallias’ skin and he has to stop his brain from going into overdrive.

“I run cold.”

“I run hot.”

Kallias laughs, and the vibrations speed Alexander’s heart rate a hundredfold. “Sure, you do.”

When Kallias pulls away Alexander has to stop himself from dragging him back.

He’s used to flings and one-night stands and friends who want a little bit more than his company. He’s never been in… whatever this is. He’s addicted to Kallias’ touch alone. To his sarcastic smiles and expressive eyes.

Alexander wants more. He wants to know Kallias inside out—wants to hear an account of every second between Kallias’ first breath and this moment, standing in front of him, close enough to kiss. He wonders whether Kallias will ever let him ask.

“Back to the books then?” he asks to stop himself from saying the one million ill-advised things he wants to.

“It’s almost as if that’s what a library is for.”

He is helpless to do anything but laugh.

Alexander’s affection is overwhelming. He feels it swallowing him whole.

18

EUDOXIA

How did she get stuck with these dumbasses?

It’s something she asks herself on a daily basis.

“Zeno! This is the third wall you’ve led us into so far,” Alexander shouts, his body bending forward both from laughter and from the weight of Zeno on his back.