Page 109 of To All the Men I’ve Killed Before

‘I don’t know!’ She sobs as she pulls herself out of my grasp. ‘I don’t know! He took off. I’m sorry!’ And then she’s gone, tearing out of the door and towards the guesthouse.

I make a move to follow her but Charlie is holding me back. Tender but firm.

He knows what I’m capable of.

‘Kits,’ he says, his voice an anchor pulling me back to the room. He turns my head so I’m looking at him. ‘She said she doesn’t know.’

‘She’s lying,’ I hiss. I turn to Agnes. ‘You’re their friend. Where is he?’ My voice is clipped, almost aggressive, and I clock a flicker of shock in her eyes.

But I don’t care.

One of these women must know something.

‘I … I know where he lives,’ Agnes stammers. ‘We should go there?’ She looks from me to Charlie.

‘Yes!’ I say. ‘Let’s go now.’ I move towards the table where the hire-car keys are. But as I do, the room tilts again. Spots appear in the corners of my eyes and I have to grab onto the back of a chair to stop myself from falling to the ground.

Charlie is at my side in a flash.

‘Kits? Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine,’ I say but when I try to walk again the same thing happens. ‘I just need to sit down for a minute.’

Charlie guides me into a seat. ‘You’re not going anywhere,’ he says.

‘I’m fine,’ I say, even though my vision is swimming almost as much as my head.

‘You’re not,’ he says. ‘You nearly passed out.’

‘I’ll go,’ Agnes says. She crouches beside me and puts her hand on my knee. ‘I’ll go. I want to find her as much as you do. Believe me.’

And I do.

‘You can’t go alone,’ I say. ‘It’s dangerous. He’s dangerous.’

‘He’s not going to do anything to me,’ Agnes says but Charlie is frowning.

‘No, Kitty’s right,’ he says. ‘I’ll come with you. Kits, you stay here and rest. Eat something. We’ll let you know if we find anything.’

‘But I want to come,’ I say. ‘If he’s got Antoinette … if she’s …’ I can’t finish the sentence. ‘I should be there. I’ll just wait in the car or something.’

Charlie drops down next to Agnes and they’re both looking up at me. ‘Let us go,’ he says. ‘I promise to call you as soon as we get there.’ His lovely face is etched with concern. ‘Please, Kits. Stay.’

And I hate it.

I hate it so much.

But I reluctantly nod. ‘Okay,’ I say, exhaustion pressing into me, clawing at my bones. ‘Please keep me updated.’

‘Of course,’ Agnes says, standing and giving my knee a squeeze.

Charlie kisses the top of my head, the tips of my ears. ‘Rest,’ he says as he and Agnes disappear into the night.

But how am I supposed to rest?

It’s an impossible ask with my sister missing, my boyfriend walking into god knows what, and me completely unable to protect either of them.

I collapse on the sofa after Charlie and Agnes leave, clutching a full-fat Coke. I chug half the can and feel the sugar chase the faintness away. I’m still exhausted but not seconds from blacking out anymore.