Page 123 of To All the Men I’ve Killed Before

‘Let’s see,’ he says, but not in the kind of way that a parent says it to a child when they really mean ‘absolutely not’. He smiles at me and I put my finger in the dimple in his cheek. ‘I mean, you want to go back, right? There’s no one else here you want to go after?’

I laugh and bury my face into his chest. ‘No,’ I say, ‘I’m done.’

And, the thing is, I really feel like I mean it this time.

I’ve always enjoyed my work.

The kills usually leave me feeling alive, like I’m absorbing some sort of life force and power from the men.

And, of course, the feeling that I’ve done something good is unbeatable. The knowledge that I’ve pre-emptively stopped something terrible from happening to a woman who doesn’t even know I exist is intoxicating.

I get why Charlie enjoys charity work so much.

But I just haven’t had the same sort of highs out here. Even though the men we’ve killed have been some of the worst I’ve ever met. It’s all just felt a bit … flat. I mean, it still feels good. I’m just so tired. I think I like having killed much more than I like killing.

Maybe I’m just getting too old for it.

‘Kits,’ Charlie is saying, ‘did you hear me?’

I look at him again and realise I’d totally zoned out.

‘Sorry,’ I say, ‘what were you saying?’

‘There’s a flight home the day after tomorrow,’ he says. ‘Shall I book it? Will that give you enough time to tie up the loose ends?’

‘Loose ends?’

He cocks his head, his brow slightly creased. ‘Yes, the loose ends.’

‘What do you mean?’ I ask.

‘Well, I might be mistaken but don’t you have a man in your wine cellar? One you were particularly keen on killing? And a couple of suitcases you need to get rid of?’

Oh, that’s right.

I still need to kill Aidan Ward.

How did that slip my mind?

66

Kitty and Antoinette’s Airbnb, West Hollywood, Los Angeles

So here it is.

The moment I have truly been waiting for.

The moment that I can wipe this repugnant piece of excrement off the face of the planet.

The kill that I’ve been looking forward to the most.

Like, literally, the most ever.

No other kill has made the blood pump through my veins in quite the same way it’s doing now.

I feel so completely full of life.

Maybe I was being a bit hasty earlier when I said killing no longer gave me the buzz it used to.