Page 133 of To All the Men I’ve Killed Before

‘The next day at school, everyone was talking about me. The guy went to our local high school and had been bragging about what he’d done to me. Some kids from school had seen me come down the stairs all crumpled and confused. The story spread like wildfire. I was a slut for the next three years. Until my dad threw me out. That’s when I came to LA.’ The tears that have been pooling in her eyes finally fall down her cheeks. She wipes them away with the back of her hand like they’re an embarrassment. ‘That’s when I saw how many girls out here needed my help.’

‘Killing them is not helping them, Lauren.’ It’s Antoinette.

I was wondering when she was going to make an appearance.

Of course I didn’t let my wing woman drink drugged lemonade either.

Even if it was watered down.

‘About time,’ I say to her. ‘No rush. Just a lunatic with a lighter and a cannister of fuel.’

‘Sorry,’ Antoinette says. ‘I think I did actually drift off for a bit. It’s really soothing, isn’t it? Being rocked by a boat in the sun. I think I’ll buy one.’

‘That’s great,’ I say. ‘But maybe you can share your Amazon wishlist with me some other time.’

‘Oh,’ she says. ‘Of course.’ She side-eyes Lauren. ‘Are we doing this then?’

I shake my head. ‘No,’ I say.

Antoinette looks confused. ‘What do you mean no? We agreed. Get her confession, then throw her overboard.’

Lauren is looking back and forth between us, watching a verbal tennis match.

‘I’ve changed my mind,’ I say. ‘We’re not killing her.’

Antoinette stares at me as if I’ve checked out of reality. ‘She is literally standing there with a lighter and a cannister of something I’m willing to wager isn’t fucking Mountain Dew. She was going to kill us.’

‘She’s not a monster,’ I say. ‘She’s a survivor.’

My sister still looks baffled. ‘What? How is she a victim? A victim of what exactly?’

‘Of men,’ I say. ‘Of the patriarchy. Of violence starting in the mouth. Of having her body policed from the age of thirteen.’

Antoinette rolls her eyes. ‘Yes, I heard her little story. How do we even know that’s true though, Kits? She’s already proved to us that she’s a better actor than we realised. It could all be lies.’ She folds her arms across her chest. ‘The only thing we know for sure about her is that she’s killed women. A lot of women.’

‘Because of the patriarchy,’ I say. ‘Because of how it uses words like slut to control women.’ I shake my head. ‘No. We’re not killing her.’

‘What are we going to do with her then?’

‘We’re going to recruit her,’ I say and Antoinette stares at me so hard that I think her eyes might actually eject from her skull.

‘Recruit her?’ she hisses. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’

‘She can help us,’ I say. ‘She can help us get rid of the real enemy. The men who assault women. The men who hurt women.’ I smile at my sister. ‘She’s already pretty proficient in killing.’

‘Have you totally gone off the deep end? She’s a killer. Of women. She was going to kill me. Us.’

I take a step towards my sister. ‘I know,’ I say. ‘But we don’t kill women. Not when we can help them. Lauren’s just been damaged by the patriarchy and shame and everything that goes with being a woman. We can help her. I know we can.’

Antoinette presses her lips together. ‘Kitty …’

But I haven’t finished. ‘No, listen to me. I know it won’t be easy but we can train her up. She can head up operations over here when we go back to London!’

Antoinette holds her hand up. ‘No, Kitty. She’s completely unhinged. She can’t be trusted with something like this. Absolutely not.’

‘But—’ I start before I’m interrupted by a scream.

I spin around and stare at the spot where Lauren was just standing but she’s not there. I look around. She isn’t anywhere.