Page 25 of To All the Men I’ve Killed Before

‘Lauren and Agnes are actors!’ Antoinette says.

Agnes has joined my sister and Lauren at the island. ‘Well, we’re trying to be,’ she says. ‘We both study at LAAA.’

‘I don’t know what that means,’ I say.

‘It stands for the Los Angeles Academy of Arts.’

‘Right,’ I say. ‘So you live here? Like all the time?’

‘Mmhmm,’ Lauren is nodding, ‘but don’t worry, we’ve got our own entrance and everything. You’ll barely notice we’re here.’

I look at her knocking back sangria and it’s not even five o’clock. I somehow doubt we’ll barely notice them.

‘Don’t guests usually mind when they find out there’s two girls living in the garden?’

Agnes leans over the island and pours herself a glass. ‘Honestly, no. The house doesn’t get that many bookings. We try to put people off.’ She gives Lauren a conspiratory wink and they both laugh. ‘Didn’t you read the reviews?’

Lauren has her phone in her hand and is scrolling through it. ‘I’ll read some out to you,’ she says. ‘Here we go. “Appalling standards in this villa. None of the toilets work. Had to manually ‘flush’ them with rubber gloves and a bucket.”’

Agnes giggles.

‘Here’s another,’ Lauren says. ‘“The worst rental experience of my life! Shady neighbourhood, dirty sheets, could probably recognise the people who stayed here before us by smell. One star and I would honestly mark it lower if I could.”’

‘Read them my favourite,’ says Agnes.

‘Her favourite is a one-word review. And that word is “Haunted?” with a question mark.’

‘I can see why you don’t get many bookings,’ Antoinette says. ‘But aren’t your parents suspicious?’

Agnes shakes her head. ‘Nah, they’re too busy being Orange County rich. They forget they even have this place unless one of their friends asks to stay here and reminds them about it. It’s going to be so fun being neighbours.’ Agnes claps her hands together. ‘You can only imagine the kind of people we get staying here. The sort of people who aren’t put off by those reviews.’ She gives a little shudder.

‘Come over for dinner later?’ Lauren says. ‘I’m going to cook a chicken.’

‘That’s okay. And anyway, I’m vegan,’ I say at the same time Antoinette says, ‘Oh my God, yes please, that would be amazing!’

Lauren and Agnes both beam at us.

‘We’ll see you at about eight then? I’ll make some more sangria.’

Antoinette smiles at them both like they’re long-term friends before standing up and sliding her arm into mine. Like we haven’t got the mutilated body of her impulse kill stashed in suitcases in the cellar.

‘This could be so much fun, Kits,’ she says to me as we get back inside the main house. I can’t even dignify this with an answer. We’re not here to make friends with the locals. Friends are witnesses. ‘They seem really nice and can help us. They know the area much better than we do and it’s not like we’ve had any luck so far, is it? Can we stay?’

That’s true enough.

Although I’m still sceptical about two girls helping us when they have a fondness for deception and day drinking.

‘We’ll see,’ I say and realise I sound like my mother. Well, maybe not my mother but definitely some generic mother figure.

Antoinette rushes over to me and squeezes me. ‘You’re the best, Kits.’ She gives me a look I can’t read and then adds, ‘Don’t you think Agnes is cute?’

‘I mean yeah, she seems nice …’ I start to say and then I understand what the look means. ‘Oh. Like cute cute?’

Antoinette blushes. ‘Yeah.’

‘Do you even know if she’s into girls?’

‘Kitty,’ Antoinette says. ‘She’s got a dog called Lana Del Gay and an undercut. Of course she’s into girls.’