Page 54 of To All the Men I’ve Killed Before

He raises his eyebrows, surprised. ‘Wow. They’re like they’ve known each other for ages.’

‘I know,’ I say. ‘I’m surprised. Antoinette is usually much pricklier. Agnes brings out her softer side. It’s nice.’

We’re outside on the street now and Travis smiles at me. It’s the sort of smile that should make me melt, but I still don’t feel anything.

It’s not fair.

Travis is gorgeous and sweet and funny.

I should be wanting to drag him home and rip his clothes off.

But all I can think about is Charlie.

How on my first date with him he gave me a Hello Kitty keyring that I still carry around with me.

How I’d thought it was super-tier cheesy, but it had charmed me anyway.

How we’d walked and walked and somehow ended up in a proper London boozer that was completely not the kind of place I would usually go to. But we’d ended up having the best time.

‘Are you okay?’ Travis says. ‘You look melancholic all of a sudden.’

‘Melancholic?’ I say, teasing, trying to lighten my mood. ‘Did you swallow a thesaurus before you came out?’

He thinks for a moment. ‘Pretty sure it was just a plain old dictionary.’

This makes me laugh.

I need to stop thinking about Charlie.

We fall into a steady pace, but the silence is loud.

‘What would you like to talk about, Mr Dictionary?’ I say, hoping that easing Travis into conversation might stop me feeling so sad. He’s lovely. I wish I could just enjoy his company.

‘Tell me about London,’ he says. ‘What’s it like living there?’

‘That’s a big question,’ I say. ‘Um … I’ve never lived anywhere else so it’s just normal for me. But I love it.’

Outside it’s still balmy but not so much that I don’t need the cardigan I’ve brought. I wrap my arms around myself to keep warm.

‘I’m glad you came tonight,’ Travis says as we start walking towards the villa.

‘Me too. I’ve enjoyed myself.’ It’s not a total lie.

‘So, how long do you think you’ll be sticking around for? Just, you know, a ball park.’

‘As long as it takes,’ I say and catch his questioning glance. ‘To find that guy.’

‘Not long then?’

I smile and shake my head. ‘Probably not.’

‘Well, in that case, I don’t want to miss a moment.’ He stops walking and turns to face me. ‘May I kiss you?’

He’s paused right under a streetlight and the beam is catching on his hair, making him look otherworldly handsome. Maybe him kissing me wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Maybe his lips can somehow wash away the last parts of Charlie that are still lingering on my own. Maybe, like a fairytale prince, this man can help heal the parts of me that Charlie left broken.

I look up at him.

‘You may.’