Page 76 of Not a Word

Gage said nothing.

Holden nodded understandingly. “I get it, I get it, but I think everything’s going to work out. It’s normal to feel all sad and fucked-up. I know I do.” He pointed to himself. “My dad, your grandpa, was a good guy. My heart’s broken.”

“I had bad nightmares last night.”

“Me and you both,” Holden said, laying a hand on his shoulder.

“There was something I was supposed to give you but never did.”

“In your dream?”

“No, like, for real.”

“Was it important?”

Gage shrugged. “I don’t think it really matters anymore.”

“You want some coffee or something?”

Gage took in the grimy carafe sitting in the coffee maker. “I’m okay.”

“I got cereal too. Where’d I leave that bowl?”

Alicia, now in jeans, strolled into the kitchen, bowl in hand. “Where do you think?”

Holden took it, scowled at the soggy flakes in the bottom.

“You guys, like, a thing?” Gage asked, prompting Holden and Alicia to exchange glances. “I thought you were just, you know, like when people are in Alcoholics Anonymous, supporting each other.”

“I don’t know,” Holden said, looking at her. “We a thing?”

She shrugged. “This morning we are. I’m sure Ben would disapprove.”

“Ben?” Gage said, although he thought the name had come up before.

“Our counselor at Sharnwood,” Holden said. “Rehab’s not supposed to be for hookups.”

Gage took a seat at the cluttered kitchen table. “So will you get in trouble?”

Alicia laughed. “No. There’s no rehab HR that’s gonna come after us. It’s more like a workplace romance. Sitting in a circle pouring your guts out, you kind of start bonding with people who’ve been through stuff as bad as what you’ve been through.”

“Yeah,” Holden chimed in. “Getting it off your chest, you know. Like how your parents screw you up.”

“My parents haven’t screwed me up,” Gage said.

Holden grinned. “You just don’t know it yet. You need some distance. You look back and think, okay, when was the moment when things really started to go south? For me, I know the exact second. For other people, it’s lots of little stuff that builds up over time.” He gave Gage a knowing look. “You know what I’m talking about.”

Gage nodded slowly.

“I kept it in for a long time,” Holden continued, “Finally opened up to you. But then I end up in therapy with a bunch of fellow fuckups—”

“Thanks,” Alicia said.

“—and meet her and she’s like the best listener ever. Better than Ben, God’s honest truth. I can tell her stuff I could never tell the group.”

Alicia shrugged. “I should have one of those newspaper advice columns.”

“We had shared experience, you know? I mean, mine was very different from hers, but we’d both been through stuff that scarred us.”