Page 183 of I’m The Worst

She studies me for a long moment, then lets herself melt back against my chest. As I run my hand through her hair again, a dull ache punches through my sternum.

I hate this. Hate her. Hate myself for not being able to stay away.

“You lied to me,” she mumbles into my skin. “About solnyshko. You told me it meant brat. But Graves told me what it really means.”

My lungs pull tight around the next breath. “Graves needs to learn to shut the fuck up.”

“Do you mean it…when you call me your sunshine?” Her head tilts up against me, eyes searching mine like she’s still looking for something worth saving.

Don’t look at me like that.

I fucking broke you.

I’m the reason you’re trying to kill yourself every fucking day. Every pill, every bottle, every bastard you let use you—that’s on me. I’m not your hero. I’m the monster who made sure you’d never be whole again.

I force myself to look away.

Her hand slides up to my jaw, gently turning my face back to hers. “Wolff.”

I can’t give her this. I can’t pretend there’s anything good left in me. I’m the reason good things rot.

“If we could be together…would you want to?”

I don’t answer. Because we can’t. And I can’t let myself want it.

I tighten my hold on her. “Get some sleep. I’ll take you home in a few hours.”

She sighs once more and rests her head back on my chest. I keep my eyes locked on the ceiling. Because if I look at her again, I might start wanting things…a future. A home. Her.

Things I can never fucking have.

You don’t chain the sun to someone like me.

Islide into the chair and smooth down my dress. Gage barely glances up from his plate of eggs. He’s polished as always, dressed in an expensive suit, but the black eye blooming beneath one of his bright blue eyes and the scrape along his jaw makes it obvious he’s been fighting recently.

“Only fifteen minutes late.” He takes a sip of coffee. “Personal best.”

I roll my eyes and steal a strip of bacon from his plate. “I hope that black eye hurts.”

A corner of his mouth twitches. “I earned it.”

The usual Sovereign crowd fills the room, loud voices bouncing off marble and glass. Commanders with wives. Heirs. Everyone dressed perfectly and pretending their hands aren’t covered in blood.

My eyes linger on the empty chair beside me. The one David should be sitting in.

“Where is he?”

“Stepped out with Dad.”

My stomach twists.

Gage watches me for a second. “You good?”

I chew slowly, buying myself time. My pulse starts climbing before I’ve even opened my mouth.

“No.” The word slips out before I can stop it. “I’m not marrying him.”

The coffee cup freezes halfway to his mouth. “What?”