Page 43 of How My Fake Alien Boyfriend Learned to Cook and Saved the Family Business

Where were my manners? No one likes being talked about like they don’t exist, and there I was speaking for him. I cringed at my own insensitivity.

“I’m sorry,” I said, chastened. I elbowed Jacob in the side, and he apologized, too, rubbing at his ribs. “We didn’t mean to make you feel left out. I want the answers to all of those questions, too, if you feel like sharing.”

Kal scratched at the material around his neck. “Do you mind if I take this thing off?”

* * *

“Dude.”

That’s all Jacob could say for about ten minutes. I was right there with him. What we just learned was nearly unbelievable—except we had the evidence right there in shades of green.

I lent Kal a pair of old sweatpants so he could remove his costume (apparently it was called a human suit, which made me gag). It sat crumpled on the floor in a pool of flesh and hair and orifices. Total nightmare fuel.

With incredible patience, Kal sat down across from Jacob and answered my brother’s questions as they came. It was…edifying, to say the least.

That night alone, we’d learned: aliens were real; Kal was from a planet called Xaerea millions and millions of light years away; Xaereans were some of the foremost extraterrestrial explorers on Earth, with stations all over the world.

And, finally, that Kal specialized in human studies, which explained why he was able to fit in among humans as well as he had.

“Not that well,” Jacob said under his breath. I kicked him in the shin.

I had questions for Kal, too, but unlike my brother, I wasn’t yet brave enough to ask them.

How had this happened? Of all the places in the entire world where Kal could have ended up, he’d come here. I wanted to know why.

Why Roswell Falls? Why Southern Charm? Why me?

Before I could work up the nerve to ask, Kal started to yawn…and yawn some more. It was time for sleep. The adrenaline had worn off and left my head so full of new information that I just needed to lie down.

I looked at Jacob. “We’ll pick this back up some other time,” I told him as my eyelids struggled to stay open. “But I need you to pinky promise that you’ll keep your mouth shut, okay?”

Jacob was his own person, and I was fully aware that he could decide he didn’t want to keep Kal’s secret at any time. But at his core, my brother was a good kid (despite being a teenager), and I knew I could trust him. At least for now.

From my spot on the couch, I extended my arm, fingers folded into a fist, pinky finger out. I waited for Jacob to follow suit. He crossed his arms and considered me with pinched eyebrows. I worried that I’d read him wrong. Eventually, Jacob looped his pinky finger around mine.

“Pinky promise,” I said, holding his gaze.

“Pinky promise,” Jacob repeated.

I felt something smooth snaking over my hand. The very tip of a tentacle looped itself into the clasp of our little fingers. Kal smiled shyly between us.

“I’ve always wanted to do one of these.”

After we all let go, Jacob jabbed a finger in Kal’s direction. “If you abduct my sister, I’m coming for you,” he said in his best threatening voice, which wasn’t particularly threatening since his voice cracked on the last word.

It wasn’t until my brother had left and Kal was settled onto my couch that I realized Kal hadn’t answered one of Jacob’s questions—one I had a particular interest in.

How long was he staying?

Lola

I wish I could say that the most stressful things happening in my life were my failing restaurant, my injured wrist, and the fact that I was harboring an alien from another planet in my parents’ garage apartment. That would have been a reasonable amount of yikes to deal with.

But, unfortunately, life stopped for no one. Even when you were really, really, really at your limit.

First, Nat texted me a photo of a menu along with a message.

Nat