Page 75 of The Seeker

It took several tries to calm my mind, but eventually, I was able to find it, spotting a new glowing thread that was tied to my other magic and floated off into the darkness. Like before, shears appeared in my hand as I approached the thread mentally, cutting it away from myself. The moment it was no longer a part of my magic, the purple color faded, and the thread disintegrated, calming my raging heart.

I didn’t linger there, my eyes snapping open to face the alley wall once more. It was a struggle to climb up from my seated position, a hole in my chest where the bond used to be, and my muscles aching. But I did it.

Facing the street once more, I reviewed what I would need to do. The city was more complicated to navigate on my own, and I knew my time was running out, but just as I was about to give up on what I was searching for, I found it.

The street filled with apothecaries.

I made my way up the steps of the nearest one, pausing at my reflection in the glass. My eyes were red and puffy, my cheeks stained with tears and dust. I looked awful, broken.

But I no longer cared.

Otho had lied to me.

Just like Leif.

I pushed open the door, the sound of a tinkling bell reaching my ears.

“Good morning. How can I help you?” a feminine voice called out before a young woman emerged from a curtained doorway, freezing as she took in my disheveled appearance. “I’ve got just the thing for your eyes dearie, let me see⁠—”

“Don’t bother.” I willed my voice to remain calm to keep the tears at bay. “I need all the belladonna you’ve got.”

She frowned, and I could feel her concern. “Dearie, things will get better. I don’t know what you’re going through, but I promise⁠—”

“I’m not killing myself. Please, I need it for a different purpose.” I gritted my teeth, a back-up plan if she refused to hand it over already formulating in my mind.

She sighed. “I would love to give it to you, but we haven’t carried belladonna in ages.”

“Hemlock then?” I asked. “Anything that is a poison but can be taken in low doses without causing damage?”

She looked me up and down, and I could practically see her piecing everything together in her mind. She glanced toward the door, then back at me. “Seid?”

“Yes,” I exhaled in relief. “Please, I need to dim my magic.”

She turned back toward the shelf, pulling down a single vial.

“I need everything you have, please. I’m going back to Heimland and don’t know when I’ll find another apothecary.” I brushed the back of my hand against my nose, trying to take slow, even breaths, but the tears were building once more.

She held out the one vial toward me, a sad smile on her lips. “This is all the hemlock I have, but the shop next door, she carries belladonna. She’ll let you buy a large amount, too. Just tell her Doris sent you.”

I nodded my thanks, pulling out my stolen coin purse to pay the cost. “Thank you,” I told her honestly as I ducked out of the shop and into the next.

Doris was correct, and the next shop owner allowed me to purchase her entire supply of belladonna. It did take a large portion of the coin I’d pilfered, as she claimed it was hard for her to harvest more, but I didn’t care about the money as it left my fist.

Back on the street, I took in a deep breath, trying to figure out how I would accomplish the next part of my plan without heading back to the street that held all the inns, as Otho would head there at some point, searching for me.

Where would my brother go that wasn’t the inn where he was staying?

He said he was working…but I hadn’t found out where.

Two ideas came to mind, and I decided checking the food street was my best bet. While he was unlikely to give his name there, he did love to eat, and Otho wouldn’t check there for me first.

It was hard to breathe as I tried to reorient myself with the food stalls I had seen the day before, every beat of my pounding heart reminding me I was running out of time to disappear.

When I finally located the food street, after having to ask two different friendly-looking women for directions, I paused, tossing back a small amount of the hemlock before starting my search. It was bitter on my tongue, and I fought not to cough it back out immediately after swallowing. I’d adapted to the belladonna, but this was a different flavor. I chased it down with a few belladonna berries, grimacing as my stomach rolled and I begged it not to reject the poisons.

After all this time, I still didn’t like poisoning myself.

But I couldn’t have Otho feeling my location either.