Page 88 of The Seeker

Sitting up, I observed my surroundings. While I was in the same spot I always started in when I awoke here, I was alone. Which, knowing Otho, wouldn’t last.

It had been nearly a fortnight since Signa had passed. Though Friar returned to the cottage to help me lay her to rest in a grave we dug at the edge of the forest, it was a brief visit, and she took the time to remind me that Signa’s house, garden, and position were now mine.

She’d also reminded me that I should speak with Collum, though I’d been much too busy to do so. But I knew my excuses were about to deplete.

The warm season was coming to an end, which meant harvest was soon, and after that, I would have no reason not to venture to Malheim.

Though I had a feeling that if I stayed here, in the dream forest, long enough, the man I was trying desperately to avoid would find me anyway.

I didn’t want to talk to him, but something in me just wanted to see him—wanted to ensure he was still alive—that he was okay. I’m sure Friar already told him everything I’d been up to, but the sharing of knowledge didn’t go both ways.

As if I’d summoned him, his tall form appeared between the tree trunks, his steps halting when he saw me.

“Runa.” My name was like a prayer on his lips, but I didn’t rush forward. I didn’t even rise from my sitting position.

I knew I should say something, but no words came.

“I’m so sorry.” His eyes pleaded with me as he sank to his knees in the dirt. “I wanted to tell you, but . . . but I didn’t know how, and then we were with everyone and⁠—”

“The night we were alone in the trees, when we kissed, the night in the inn in that small town, our first night in Shianp.”

His black eyebrows drew together. “What?”

“I’m listing all the times when it would have been appropriate for you to explain to me that you were the son of the fucking king.” Now that the words had started to come, they wouldn’t stop pouring from my mouth, “There were so many opportunities, Otho, and the fact that you didn’t tell me before we were standing in your father’s throne room was not only negligent, but put you pretty high on the list of men who have hurt me.” A tear slid down my cheek, my breaths coming in pants as I bared my soul to the dream version of the man that had hurt me above all others.

His head dropped to the side. “I know, Runa, I . . . I didn’t know what to say.”

He ran his hand through his hair then, which was almost my undoing, but I kept myself in check, allowing my anger to continue to have control over my word. “Well, you could start by telling me the truth about how the Purge affected your family, correcting the lie you told me that night outside of Malheim.” My chest pinched at the mention of the night that had started to change things between us. “And then I would have asked about your living father and you could have told me he was king. It’s simple really.” I shook my head. “I can’t believe you chose to continue lying to me.”

His face had paled as I spoke, and when I finished, he lifted his hands only to allow them to drop again to his sides. “I know, Runa, and I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not enough,” I snapped.

“What do you want? Want me to beg?” He clasped his hands together and held them underneath his chin. It wasn’t truly begging yet, but it was close. “Because I’ll do anything. Tell me, Runa . . . tell me what it will take for you to give me a second chance.”

Though I enjoyed the sight of the general on his knees for me, I knew I was too angry to make any decisions right now, and I shook my head. “I don’t know what it will take, but I need time and space to figure it out for myself.”

“But . . . but you’ve already had a fortnight.” His breathing was labored now, and I knew then that he truly loved me, even if he had made a grave error.

“I need more time,” I told him, looking away so I wouldn’t give in to the way his gray eyes caressed my face.

“You can have all the time you need, Runa,” he promised. “I mean it this time.”

I didn’t quite believe his promise, not after what had happened on the way to Shianp. But I didn’t hate the idea that he would be waiting for me either.

Conversation over, I wished I knew how to exit the dreamscape on command, but alas I was still stuck there, sitting with my knees tucked to my chest several feet from where Otho kneeled. “You can leave now,” I commanded.

“Alright.” He rose to his feet, not bothering to brush the dirt from his knees. “I really do love you, Runa.”

I didn’t give him a response, pinching my eyes closed until I heard the unmistakable sound of his footsteps receding into the ethereal forest.

Although I knew I should be focusing on my plan for harvest, the next day, I led Nala from the small shed I’d started calling her stable, brushing her with a brush I’d found before settling the saddle upon her back.

I’d packed a small bag, which I slug over my shoulder, grateful that when Signa had died, she’d left everything to me. While I still only had the two outfits, which I washed whenever possible, I’d been working to repurpose the clothes Signa had worn. While there was no way any of the pants would ever fit my tall frame, I’d converted a few of her dresses into shirts and was currently working to cut up the rest to make patchwork skirts. While I still didn’t gravitate toward skirts or dresses, I didn’t want to wear the pants I’d purchased with Otho’s coin forever either.

I chose the long route to Malheim, ensuring I didn’t pass anywhere near the city of Ralheim or the palace. And though I knew there was a chance that Otho was visiting his sister, I hoped that wasn’t the case and that I’d be able to visit my cousin in peace.

The route between Signa’s and Malheim was two days of travel, and while I wasn’t quite ready to spend the night in the real forest, I also didn’t have much of a choice.